..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Saturday, October 17, 2009
I am not a make up person. And i rarely ever dress nicely for anything anymore. Even when i do,as soon as there is a chance i get to pull everything off and get into my usual slouchy clothes i do it.
so the past few days i have been in girly clothes with gunk on my face and every time i get home i cease to change back in hopes that he will call and i will get to show myself off. and so far it just doesnt happen that way. and when i do get to see him i just walk out in house clothes and be questioned as to why am i dressed like an aunty today. hm. how very quaint.
even now i still have make up on my face from a previous photoshoot. even when i know i will probably not get to see him today. and i know that i will put on that tube and that floral skirt just in case.
"he can make you feel anyway he wants you to feel. just be careful" - R
and i just never learn.
Labels: confessions, personal, stupidity, tragedies
Friday, October 16, 2009
built my walls on hate. told myself no just go. have fun let loose and now i find myself doing things for you i normally wouldnt. sitting on your bed telling you i was going out yesterday, the cold look and answers you gave me froze me in place. i irritate you to no ends, piss you off unexpectedly and normally i wouldnt give a shit because who the hell are you to me? and likewise i am nobody to you. and that is how you like it.
today i said 5 years down the road im going to see you and you're going to forget who i ever was just like every other one you have. without a hint of hesitation you said most likely and for some reason i smiled. an affectionate smile. i think you noticed because after that you said, you? i think you i will remember. it didnt mean anything. it doesnt mean anything. so why even bother?
we always want what we can't have.
and i should know this by now.
so why do i let my mask slowly fall like raindrops against a window pane.
i'm falling.
and i cant help it. and i know you will hate me for it.
Labels: confessions, personal, stupidity, wordy
Monday, September 28, 2009
it was good until near the end.
when you used all those excuses with me. it reminded me of bitterness and how i hated the way you would tell me you had no money yet find reasons to go far away or do things that required it.times when i wanted you to stay home with me and you would reluctantly agree to and show how annoyed you were.
we were in that place for a long long time.
you being moody and angry at me all the time. you ignoring me. you doing things for me not out of sincerity but for the heck of it. even showing your moods to my friends who all eventually grew afraid of you. i was afraid of you. and yet, i could never speak out.
"ya ya!! i noticed!! he treat u damnnnn nice in perth!! he never treat u like that in kl!! in kl he's nice but it was never a sincere i love you kind of nice!!"
im amazed at how you would even allow me a to drive out alone at this hour after i told u i hit my car. how i said i didnt want to be in public and you said Mc D.
i am all kinds of hurt right now.
will i be okay tomorrow?
or will i wake up angry and in pain.
i was going to go to class. but i dont feel like it anymore.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
my shisha had been tasteless yesterday. apparently only i felt that way. we concluded it had been the guiness draught i had been asked to down. yes. i do not drink slowly. it makes me sick.
i had fun yesterday.
Black Eyed Peas were amazing and i met the cutest family who danced with me. Cute son, my age adorable smile. I forgot his name. Not like me to forget a persons name when i had spent a good deal of time chatting with. It's okay. We have mutual friends. I'm sure we'll meet again someday.
i finally had more than 4 hours of sleep today. but is it really considered? i woke up at 8 plus 9 with a start and the usual empty feeling of the heart. the exhaustion of the past weeks had been too much and i closed my eyes again surpressing the tears i have been keeping inside over the days in attempt to hold myself up. unknowingly i had fallen asleep and woken up 3 hours later. 7 hours of sleep. well done i tell myself. but i am tired now. tired and lazy. yet disgustingly restless as i have continuously been.
a friend of yours asked about you yesterday. i told him you were ignoring me. ignoring me by not replying my sms-es but he said that's normal for u. is it? i remember you used to reply every message even a random one like me wanting dim sum at 3 in the morning. you even replied when i said i missed you. long time story now huh?
the laugher on your friends face had been much apparent. "amused?" he said yes and i asked if he found it weird that it was me. his answered had been no. it's normal that it was me. but it was because it had been you that it became news to those around. why? why does everyone say the same thing. is there something i'm missing here?? if so, someone please tell me now.
i am tired.
so why do i still dig around for reasons to see you in dec this time around. the tickets are getting more and more expensive and where the hell am i going to stay now.
Labels: confessions, personal, stupidity, wordy
Thursday, September 24, 2009
today i had my first mini accident.
i went up the touch and go curb and hit something. my door dented inwards and i couldnt open it. but it's fine now. still dented and needs a new paint job. but nothing to serious. it was a funny incident. but thinking about it now. i had been so unfocused i hadnt even realised what had happened until i felt the impact.
you've got me so wrapped up in self delusion i'm loosing focus in everything i do. someone asked why i was so quiet 2 days ago. yesterday someone else said it's weird being around me. i asked why. he answered because i barely say anything and i keep spacing out contrary to how i usually am. and all those times i had been thinking about you.
you you you. its always about you. why? how did my defence crumble so easily. how DID I even let u in just like that? unfathomable. even for me.
my spacing out periods have gotten longer and more frequent. todays accident had been one of those times.
i'm losing myself.
Labels: angry, confessions, personal, stupidity, tragedies, trauma, upset, wordy
Saturday, September 12, 2009
i pressed up on the damn window button. realising that it was moving up i paniced but the hole was too small and i couldnt pull my head back in so i tried to press down.
but as fate would have it with my at least an accident a day history, i pressed the wrong button and closed it even more. THUS resulting in the window hitting my jaw and me biting into my lip T_T
i now have a swollen bleeding lip on the left side and like all of my tragedies, i have work tomorrow which involves photographers. omfg.
and this my dear readers is the tragic story of my life.
woohoo.
and i wasnt even drunk. i wonder what would happen if i was. hm
Labels: confessions, random, stupidity, tragedies
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
"wheres your new bf? u not very heng damn fast got new bf wan meh?"
funny how those words came from u that day but like the way u knew me, those words were true werent they? totally irrelevant to anything but those words keep replaying themselves over and over again in my head. why?
"...i can't let my feelings control me right now..."
then why did u let it before? why didnt u shut the fuck up and leave me be like u apparently had all this while before? i thought u knew my stories well enough inside out to know how it would play out somehow. did u think this time it would be any different or did u think this time i would take it all as a game?
"...i think you should just forget about this relationship..."
haha. funny. what relationship? you never really established one did you? and like as stupid as it all seems, so why? why am i still hurting from all those words u said and those short lived memories you left?
"none ginny. i swear. only you..."
i laughed when you said that.corny as hell i swear. and then i didnt believe you. turned around and pretended i didnt hear but you continued and i found it hard not to trust you. yet now i find it so unbelievable because if i were, you wouldnt have left me to cry now ...would you? and now replaying those words in my head, it's because its so corny it sounds so artificial now somehow.
so many more things that keep repeating themselves in my head. so many more words, so many more actions. and everytime one runs by, the sting of your abandonment lashes across my beating heart and tears spring out like the day you sent me those last few messages. "im sorry, its all my fault. just forget about me, i'll never bother you again." or what i thought would have been your last messages. but no, they werent.
"you will always have a place with me but ..."
lies. they feel like such lies. they feel like words said just to try and save yourself.
i can' tell whats fiction from truth anymore. i can't tell who you are or who i am to you. or what i even was. and i wish i could hate you. but it's fucked up how after all those instant replays and insecurities left to seep into the cracks of your mind games, i dont. and instead i miss you like it was just yesterday you held me close.
Labels: confessions, emo, personal, reminders, stupidity, upset, wordy
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
i hadnt expected the tears to hit me that fast or that hard but from the walk outside into the terminal and onto the plane my tears did not stop. and i cried myself to sleep on that plane staring at the lights of the city that stole my heart.
i remember crying the night before but no one noticed. staring at the ceiling i felt the sheets around me get damp as my breathing got harder. i got up, took a look around the room i had been staying in and walked down to that sofa i loved and spent much hours just stoning at.
there i sat curled up staring at the red or pink lights bryan so conveniently pointed out knowing how attracted to pink i apparently am and thought to myself why the hell am i even crying over something as dumb as leaving a city like Sydney. and then it hit me and i cried so hard i could barely breathe.
how do u cry so much after being in a place for just a mere 3 days?
theres so much more i want to say but i guess there really isnt much left to say really.
i left a part of my heart in sydney and right now i dont even know how the hell am i going to get it back.
time to snap back into reality princess.
Labels: confessions, emo, personal, stupidity, upset
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
so far perth has been treating me fairly well but budgeting is going to be the death of me. dang nabbit i hate the exchange rate T_T and i hate having to think about how overweight my baggage is going to be. pfft. stupidity.com yo.
i have succumbed to buying pumps because i made the fatal mistake of wearing boots out for such long hours. hurhurhur. and pumps make me look like a carrot because my feet are so small. and i walk like a penguin in them. wtf. nat! maybe thats why u walk and run like a penguin. HUR HUR HUR.
on another note. i am still confused with myself. sigh
Labels: confessions, personal, random, stupidity
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
it's ironic how i was telling my friend he should quit smoking because he was coughing yesterday. he said he stopped for 3-4 years and now there's no more motivation. i think it was more of the fact that everytime he smokes it temps me to just grab the fucken thing from his hands and take that long deep puff. i have reached breaking down point. not good. not good at all.
i've been neglecting a lot of things lately, i guess the animals suffer the most when im at this stage. i need to snap out of this.
i have more male friends than female friends. is that so hard to accept?
and why the hell are ppl that have been MIA from my life over the past 2 years starting to come look for me again. i hate ulterior motives, it pisses me off. i dont need someone to sweep me off my feet, especially not someone whom just walks up and leave whenever im attached.
i want to fucken smash things right now. hello myviolent friend, it's been a while.
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, emo, musings, personal, rants, sad, stupidity, upset, wordy
Monday, July 27, 2009
dont know what i want to say.
but around the merry go round of tears we go again.
Friday, July 24, 2009
you on the other hand are nowhere to be found. or maybe just avoiding me i guess, like how you do everytime the weekend rolls around. i tell myself to stop, i tell myself it's not worth it but in the end i just continue to let myself drop.
sarah mclachlan's voice kind of breaks a person when one is in such a state doesnt it?
i've been thrown back into the playing field, new people all around yet the one i want is the one that's out of bounds. fate has it's funny ways of spreading itself out.
sometimes i wish i really wasnt so nice. always doing things within it's boundaries. having my conscience scream at me everytime i think of doing something that might make my heart skip a mile.
right now im shattered, shattered like the fragile shards of glass thrown straight to the ground.
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, personal, sad, stupidity, upset, wordy
Thursday, July 23, 2009
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke this time
There was nothing to take me back to sleep
To take you off my mind, this time
And I keep saying
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I need to hide within a storm
So have the lightning come
Bring the winds that scream
And spill the fog all over town
Hold me in your standstill ground
And I will sink down
And you’ll be washed away
You’ll be washed away
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I really thought I was okay
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke up this time
There was nothing to take you off my mind
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I need to hide within a storm
So have the lightning come
Bring the winds that scream
Spill the fog all over town
Break through every door
Strip away the trees
Raise the rivers high
Just help me drown
Hold me in your standstill ground
And I will sink down
And you’ll be washed away
You’ll be washed away
Labels: angry, confessions, lyrics, personal, stupidity, upset
Monday, July 20, 2009
Watch yourself princess, you're stronger than that. Dont fall, not now.
Dark skies are usually happy for me, chilled and relaxed. What fucking irony. They say its karma, is it really?
Im surrounded by people i love right now, yet i cant help but feel lonely. I dont know how to explain what it is im feeling but i guess those around me already know.
***sam says helloooooooooo wassup***
havent felt this way since 2006.
please dont let me sink back in the way i once did. Theres much too many things happening around me for it to happen. Not now.
fairy tales dont exist.
Labels: confessions, emo, nightmares, personal, stupidity, upset, wordy
Sunday, July 12, 2009
sometimes we do things unintentionally and then there is that fear of regret, yet we continue to do it anyway as if it's okay to continue even after knowing how bad things could turn out.
im not entirely sure what it is that i want to say but my tears right now shouldnt even flow considering what it is i have just said.
empty.
thats it, i feel empty right now.
lost in my own sea of complicted lies.
i guess my one of my previous post kinda jinxed me huh?
emo gin is very unfortunately back.
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, musings, personal, sad, stupidity, upset
Saturday, June 27, 2009
but lately i notice a lot of blogs only ever update when there's an advertorial. i mean if its one or 2 of the blogs i read then yeah sure go ahead i dont mind reading about your product but what happens when a few blogs at one shot churn out the almost exact thing. now this wouldnt be such a big deal if the blogs were frequently updated but if any of you have even noticed, a majority of these blogs almost never update unless it's an advertorial. and then the blog looses it's essence of the original owner which saddens me =(
or maybe it could be me going back to the same blog a few times a day thinking its a new day. wtf. but im sure it isnt that.
come back bloggers.
and then there's another thing that has been annoying the shit out of me. There have been a few bloggers on whose names we shall not mention who think that are tres fehmes and when people dont recognize or acknowledge them they put on this haughty face and go OH you dont know me ah. it's okay la. no big deal. OMGWTFBBQ.
you think you model or movie star or something is it, please la. so you have a few thousand readers a day but really, does anyone care? nuh uh. maybe when you do something like volunteer at a 3rd world country instead of brag about your daily work and stuff then people would care more yea.
im sorry im on angst mode and these random stuff just popped out =S
(12pm edit: i was going to do a MJ tribute using a video of my once london bf as a kid but he wont give it to me >=( i am still trying to fish it out)
Labels: annoyed, blogger, confessions, rants, stupidity, wordy
Friday, June 19, 2009
my boy mr annonymous AKA keegan is back. er ya no more mr annonymous due to private reasons. but he punk now yo. kakaka. sorry inside joke.
this dude is someone i used to shove 2 shisha pipes up his mouth and he would smoke like a chimney and then ask is this suppose to be fun because i aint feeling no nothing
today i went to the toilet for a poop and when i came back he said and i quote "i feel light headed. is this normal? i think i sucked to hard" hahhaa. he is so cute
actually i got nothing to blog about. i was going to bed then the boy played my fav Stars and then i came back to the comp .___. so nothing to do random blog la what else.
i am tres retarded.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
i wanna continue picture spamming but having so many picture spams in the same day may just be fatal to my blog.
my mother knows i am now semi vegetarian (i still eat seafood) and asked if i rather have fish or satay? wtf.
a few weeks ago she sent me an sms asking if i wanted ham sandwich knowing i dont eat ham. i said i dont eat ham and she replied me with MADNESS!! the bf thinks shes been watching 300 "=_= and told me to reply THIS IS SPARTA! stoner.com
yesterday i played with prairie dogs. yes sam T_T thats why i was late. but they were too cute to resist. emo. i want one. the bf said buy la!! either this or your zoom lens. this is cuter wor.. wtf kind of brainwash is this!! at this rate my camera will never get any extra thinga-ma-jigs. dahlah canon flash so ex. pfft.
and i am angry because i discovered you're suppose to feed prairie dogs with hay and greenery!! but the pet shop in malaysias are all feeding them cat/dog food which is VERY VERY bad for their health and heart T___T why la like that!!
today the whole world is MIA. WHERE IS EVERYONE??? WHY ARE U ALL LEAVING ME AT HOME TO ROT!?!? WHY WHY WHY! even my parents left me home with the maid to go eat satay. what kind of conspiracy is this T__T
i spent almost the entire day alternating between staring at the comp and rolling on my bed. a little tv watching right before the rain went BOOM.. zzz... and thats about it. eating leftover food heated up in the microwave.
wanted to finally read that stack of books i bought but wtf. my stack of books seems to have gone missing. pfft. what else is new? wanna watch dvd's but the bf's not here. hm. yes i have this thing where my dvds must be watched with the bf. pfft. or else we will both be talking abt entirely diff movies and get miffed at each other. what kinda sad life is this i also dunno.
Labels: animals, emo, funny, random, stupidity, tragedies, wordy
Friday, June 12, 2009
but i sat in front of the comp and ended up playing Sims 3. that was at 4 pm. it is now almost 2a.m and i just stopped about 15 minutes ago T___T. i only stopped to take a quick 15 minute dinner and a quick 10 minute shower. omgwtfbbq.
right now i am partially blind @_@ everything looks somewhat blurry and my heads spinning and omg it feels good to waste my life playing pointless games for hours after hours like i used to =D. i am sick in the head wtf.
i did update 2 days back but it was a short reminder post so i decided not to post it. but i'll jsut add it here.
I want a 70s themed roller disco party =D
er yeah i had to remind myself in my blog because i have a lot of self proclaimed parties that i forget a few days later because i am forgetful like that.
nothing much to update my life about but obviously the exams arent over. once again i have succesfully pawned myself with my laziness and amazing procrastination skills hence i forsee many many resit papers in the near 4 months. omgwtfbbq. oh well. my bad. still cant feel that whole STUDY ITS IMPORTANT thing in my head. maybe on the final of the final chance @_@
my head hurts .____.
claypot crab rice T____T
Labels: cravings, games, random, reminders, study, stupidity, tragedies, wordy
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
in the process of this semi drunkened state, i proclaimed very confidently to the boyfriend " HOR I KNOW WHY I SO FAT AND DULAN AND UNCOMFORTABLE!! I HAVENT SHIT IN A LONG LONG TIME!! but why liddat wan!!! how can a vegetarian suffer from constipation!!! its so wrong!!!"
to which he replied " this proves there's something wrong with you and you should go for a check up" to which i sulkily folder my arms sat back down in the car seat and gave him a "hmph"
today.
i ended up in the toilet 3 times and 2 out of those 3 times my shit was so massive it wouldnt go down .____. and no i am not suffering from food poisoning but wth. the irony of me talking about having constipation and then going to the toilet that many times in a day is just so in your face @_@
okay. maybe you didnt need to know that but i had fun telling you anyway so mieh
Labels: confessions, funny, musings, personal, random, stupidity, wordy