..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Saturday, October 17, 2009
I am not a make up person. And i rarely ever dress nicely for anything anymore. Even when i do,as soon as there is a chance i get to pull everything off and get into my usual slouchy clothes i do it.
so the past few days i have been in girly clothes with gunk on my face and every time i get home i cease to change back in hopes that he will call and i will get to show myself off. and so far it just doesnt happen that way. and when i do get to see him i just walk out in house clothes and be questioned as to why am i dressed like an aunty today. hm. how very quaint.
even now i still have make up on my face from a previous photoshoot. even when i know i will probably not get to see him today. and i know that i will put on that tube and that floral skirt just in case.
"he can make you feel anyway he wants you to feel. just be careful" - R
and i just never learn.
Labels: confessions, personal, stupidity, tragedies
Thursday, October 08, 2009
it haunts and breaks you.
i know how i feel. i know what is happening. i know i should walk away now before i hurt myself again. i know all the answers, every fact every truth yet as always i let my defences slip right in front of my own eyes.
i never learn do i?
i did not choose or vouch for it to happen. it just did.
and im sorry i couldnt live up to your expectations, but i know you saw it coming.
Labels: confessions, emo, personal, tragedies
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
yesterday afternoon i developed a weird lumpy rash on the back of my thighs. and what the hell this morning i wake up to discover it's still there and it seems to be slowly spreading T___T
omg.
it's so fucken itchy.
now my lower back has some of it T__T
in case you've been wondering my internet has been dead. in a friends place now. hmmm.
FUCK FUCK FUCK this is shitty!!
Labels: annoyed, nightmares, rants, tragedies
Thursday, September 24, 2009
today i had my first mini accident.
i went up the touch and go curb and hit something. my door dented inwards and i couldnt open it. but it's fine now. still dented and needs a new paint job. but nothing to serious. it was a funny incident. but thinking about it now. i had been so unfocused i hadnt even realised what had happened until i felt the impact.
you've got me so wrapped up in self delusion i'm loosing focus in everything i do. someone asked why i was so quiet 2 days ago. yesterday someone else said it's weird being around me. i asked why. he answered because i barely say anything and i keep spacing out contrary to how i usually am. and all those times i had been thinking about you.
you you you. its always about you. why? how did my defence crumble so easily. how DID I even let u in just like that? unfathomable. even for me.
my spacing out periods have gotten longer and more frequent. todays accident had been one of those times.
i'm losing myself.
Labels: angry, confessions, personal, stupidity, tragedies, trauma, upset, wordy
Saturday, September 12, 2009
i pressed up on the damn window button. realising that it was moving up i paniced but the hole was too small and i couldnt pull my head back in so i tried to press down.
but as fate would have it with my at least an accident a day history, i pressed the wrong button and closed it even more. THUS resulting in the window hitting my jaw and me biting into my lip T_T
i now have a swollen bleeding lip on the left side and like all of my tragedies, i have work tomorrow which involves photographers. omfg.
and this my dear readers is the tragic story of my life.
woohoo.
and i wasnt even drunk. i wonder what would happen if i was. hm
Labels: confessions, random, stupidity, tragedies
Thursday, August 20, 2009
watching people in different environments and watching how differently they behave upsets me a little because sometimes the changes arent exactly in the best of ways or the most welcoming of aura. don't get me wrong, im probably the same but i guess when you arrive somewhere expecting something the after maths can end up quite devastating.
or maybe it's just me. strange how asian everything really is here and as asian as i am, fitting into the asian environment here is like asking me a duck to go make friends with a flock of chickens. it's just too different in a sense that it isnt the side of asians i really like. Jess C! i miss you!! boo to you for leaving me so early. hmph!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
had the biggest mug of beer at 230 PM in the afternoon yesterday and the cutest waiter served us. she was tall and skinny with this really shy smile yet she had a nose ring indicating she really isnt as innocent as she looks.
i spent a good deal of my time sipping my beer and watching her dart around with this adorably worried look she had plastered on most of the time. she made me smile =)
cant wait for sydney! shop till we drop =D
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, rants, tragedies, wordy
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
right i forgot what i wanted to say. but sam just reminded me of david lynch. DO U ALL REMEMBER THAT VIDEO I POSTED UP!!! the one called the alphabet T___T i bet u all didnt click on it T__T why like that. its damn awesome can. but i guess not many people actually get it. but he is amazing, the way he is able to visualise his thoughts in such a way is just sigh...he's got my respect yo. if one day i ever achieve that ability i will be very very proud of myself which is rare because i have pretty crappy self esteem issues.
my eyes hurt.
and i want to go to class but nobody wants to fetch me T_T wth. this is like the first time this is happening. am i crazy?? although class is still in another 8 hours but thats besides the point
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, rants, tragedies, wordy
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
now here's the thing. i am a krispy kreme addict and i travel at least once a year to somewhere with krispy kreme or at least people always bring them back to me. I DO NOT LIKE overly sweet things and i think krisky kremes original glazing IS PERFECT. hell, i think big apple and j co's ones are too damn sweet for me.
the first time i finally tried it in KL was at times square and by luck they were giving out free HOT ones like they do in every other country which was an amazing surprise to me because i pretty much thought malaysians would do it their way and forget the krispy kreme courtesy. well fuck me, i've only seen this happen once in KL so i guess it was a short lived thing.
but i was quite dissapointed after ordering my doughnut. it came cold. something i have never encountered anywhere else. krispy kremes logo is a neon sign and it says come in for rolling hot doughnuts or something along that lines which means it is a MUST that the doughnuts you are served are hot or at least acceptably warm. i ignored this.
last week at mid valley my doughnuts were cold again. today a friend told me her story and she is an even bigger addict that me. it was the first time in her life she couldnt finish her doughnut. why? well. apparently the doughnut was cold and hard and the sugar was flacky pointing out they were not using the proper sugar but cheap ones instead hence the overly sweetness of the doughnuts.
she then requested they heat up the doughnut and they answered her with they have no microwave. THIS IS NEW. like wtf. how can u not have a microwave? so all the while the doughnuts have been served cold?? so she asked if she could have a new FRESh doughnut and thye told her no because there were no fresh doughnuts available.
oh my, does that mean krispy kreme malaysia has been using left over doughnuts?? because apparently a lot of people who have brought them home, after leaving it overnight the doughnut sugar becomes hard and flakes off while the doughnuts harden.
krispy kreme has a reputation of being able to keep its dougnuts refrigerated for over 3 months and once heated up remains just as soft. heck, even if you dont pop it in the microwave you leave it out for a minute or two and it's still pretty soft and the sugars still nice and glossy.
sigh. why oh why malaysia did you do this to my beloved?
Labels: angry, annoyed, desserts, food, rants, sad, tragedies, wordy
Friday, June 26, 2009
and thanks to this i turn green when i see girls who look good in almost every shot. just yesterday i was with 3 of the FHM girls, Kellie Yap, Jasimine and Davina Goh. well great, FHM's camera people run out of battery and so use my very random compact cam instead. AND I SWEAR in every freaking picture we took of them, posed or candid they looked good.
my eyes were literally O_O because i find that really unfair. i mean they do look good in real life but the fact that they looked even better in every single frame of the picture was amazing. they even looked good when they had that half closed eye pictures which is pretty awesome. and this makes me tres sad and like the title points out jealous. miehh..
and i discovered something relatively new, i've always thought skinny girls looked a lot better in pictures because the camera puts on an extra 10 pounds or something on you but these girls were definitely not in the category skinny. they were actually pretty normal sized which is a good thing okay. slim and skinny are two very different words, thank you very much.
ah this is such a random rant. eh i didnt insult the girls okay, they were very nice me like. im just complaining about how sad it is that im not photogenic. hurhurhur
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, rants, tragedies, wordy
Which Tim this is remains hush hush as his immediate reaction after the conversation was DONT BLOG ABOUT ME. but splish splash, i know a million and one Tims which you people probably know or dont know so in the end on which Tim this really is no one will really know =D
and i quoteeeeee "girls are like dishes at a buffet spread. imagine having to just choose one dish for the rest of your life and stick to it. cannot right?? it's so hard right!!! how can you just choose one dish when you're at a buffet!"
and it astounds me how one can so nochalantly refer a partner to a dish on a buffet spread but i guess i was never really the one who could understand jumping from one guy to another. not that i judge, i mean if ure switching bfs and gfs all the time but with no real attachment then yeah hell go ahead but really to those that are just with their partners for benefits and then dump them when they think they're useless, I EAT PEOPLE LIKE YOU FOR BREAKFAST.
on what point of this post be i have no idea but i felt like my blog hasnt been updated for some time and the idea of picture spamming just takes too much effort right now.
actually there were some initial ideas swimming around the empty depths of my head but as always once this is open the ideas sink an i forget what the hell it was i was about to go on about .___.
but on a less serious note. i like chocolate chip cookies. yeay
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
but so sad can T__T switchfoot missed. stars missed. AIR SUPPLY missed. why am i so uninformed T__T sad can my news antenna. wtf
the bouncers at zouk now think im weird because i carry a zoom lens in my bag without carrying my camera around "=_= miehh....
past few days of wearing heels and i have successfully developed my first blister. omgwtfbbq? sad wei.
today i went for an interview that i had previously sent my profile in for. IN MY PROFILE i clearly stated that i cannot read or write mandarin. oh boooyy.. did they make a big deal out of that. hello. please read girls profiles before asking them to come lor. mahai. damn a lot of effort wei for me to get there. summoh told me 2.. almost 3 only decide okay la. i interview u girls now. damn annoying can die >=(
i miss my rabbit cotton T_____T i miss hugging and cuddling her like a doll and watch as she tries to attack anyone that comes near me when im carrying her *o* cool can my rabbit? still agitated at the fact she died and had blue liquid coming out of her mouth. fucking suspicious can die.
I NEED TO LEARN TO BE MORE PRODUCTIVE.
MAKE USE OF YOUR HOLIDAY BITCH.
Labels: confessions, personal, random, reminders, tragedies, wordy
Sunday, June 21, 2009
i am such a pig.
i cant seem to stay awake for more than 6-8 hours before wanting to crash in bed and die. this is bad. today i woke up at 11. went online. ate lunch and went back to sleep for 3 fekking hours. my holidays are being slept away T___T
i want to learn how to knit and crochette!! why am i like that T___T
its the 2nd week of my holidays and i havent even done anything remotely holiday worthy. oh. i did watch a play with my col mates yesterday! AH!! something worth talking about and oh boy it was awesome. the lighting and all was just superb
its called Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard. its been a while since i last enjoyed a play. ah. my love for theater. see. i keep telling myself i will got audition one day but alas. i have yet to do so. tsk tsk tsk. why am i such a procrasinator.
holy smokes. i just realised my rabbits ate about 1 feet off my curtains @_@
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
2-3 years ago you would never catch me running a round in a loose t shirt and shorts or jeans but now it's become my daily wears because im just too lazy to dress up and look good. pair that with the fact that i've gained a million and one pounds, most of my little girly clothes dont fit well anymore anyway.
so yeah back to the story. since i was wearing such girly clothes no choice la but to wear heels right and OMFG. less than 5 hours out and my feet felt like they were going to break. gone were the days where i could go 12 hours in heels and even run in them and i remember these pair being comfy because thats why i bought them in the first place.
this is so sad T___T lack of job, lack of nice body to wear nicer clothes equals a ginny who looks crap and cannot walk in heels.
so from now onwards if you ask me out somewhere appropriate (yum cha dont count) i shall make it a point to dress up properly and relearn the ways of heels so my legs look prettier. NAT MUST SCOLD ME U KNOW IF I WEAR CINCAI OUT!
Labels: confessions, personal, random, reminders, tragedies, wordy
Sunday, June 14, 2009
i wanna continue picture spamming but having so many picture spams in the same day may just be fatal to my blog.
my mother knows i am now semi vegetarian (i still eat seafood) and asked if i rather have fish or satay? wtf.
a few weeks ago she sent me an sms asking if i wanted ham sandwich knowing i dont eat ham. i said i dont eat ham and she replied me with MADNESS!! the bf thinks shes been watching 300 "=_= and told me to reply THIS IS SPARTA! stoner.com
yesterday i played with prairie dogs. yes sam T_T thats why i was late. but they were too cute to resist. emo. i want one. the bf said buy la!! either this or your zoom lens. this is cuter wor.. wtf kind of brainwash is this!! at this rate my camera will never get any extra thinga-ma-jigs. dahlah canon flash so ex. pfft.
and i am angry because i discovered you're suppose to feed prairie dogs with hay and greenery!! but the pet shop in malaysias are all feeding them cat/dog food which is VERY VERY bad for their health and heart T___T why la like that!!
today the whole world is MIA. WHERE IS EVERYONE??? WHY ARE U ALL LEAVING ME AT HOME TO ROT!?!? WHY WHY WHY! even my parents left me home with the maid to go eat satay. what kind of conspiracy is this T__T
i spent almost the entire day alternating between staring at the comp and rolling on my bed. a little tv watching right before the rain went BOOM.. zzz... and thats about it. eating leftover food heated up in the microwave.
wanted to finally read that stack of books i bought but wtf. my stack of books seems to have gone missing. pfft. what else is new? wanna watch dvd's but the bf's not here. hm. yes i have this thing where my dvds must be watched with the bf. pfft. or else we will both be talking abt entirely diff movies and get miffed at each other. what kinda sad life is this i also dunno.
Labels: animals, emo, funny, random, stupidity, tragedies, wordy
Friday, June 12, 2009
but i sat in front of the comp and ended up playing Sims 3. that was at 4 pm. it is now almost 2a.m and i just stopped about 15 minutes ago T___T. i only stopped to take a quick 15 minute dinner and a quick 10 minute shower. omgwtfbbq.
right now i am partially blind @_@ everything looks somewhat blurry and my heads spinning and omg it feels good to waste my life playing pointless games for hours after hours like i used to =D. i am sick in the head wtf.
i did update 2 days back but it was a short reminder post so i decided not to post it. but i'll jsut add it here.
I want a 70s themed roller disco party =D
er yeah i had to remind myself in my blog because i have a lot of self proclaimed parties that i forget a few days later because i am forgetful like that.
nothing much to update my life about but obviously the exams arent over. once again i have succesfully pawned myself with my laziness and amazing procrastination skills hence i forsee many many resit papers in the near 4 months. omgwtfbbq. oh well. my bad. still cant feel that whole STUDY ITS IMPORTANT thing in my head. maybe on the final of the final chance @_@
my head hurts .____.
claypot crab rice T____T
Labels: cravings, games, random, reminders, study, stupidity, tragedies, wordy
Thursday, June 04, 2009
i have 3 maths paper left and suddenly i dont like maths that much anymore. it's probably due to the amazing ability of mine to procrastinate. so amazing to the extent that i now have just over 24 hours to remember everything and do an unidentified sum of sums to burn that shit into my head. good grief, and here i am titter tottering about blogging. when will i learn. mieh
i want to lie in bed and roll around like i just dont care and play my sims 3 T____T SIMS 3 PEOPLE.. urghhhh. urghhh sounds like im regurgitating. okay that was totally random and irrelevant. i will go slap myself now. bai @_@
Labels: annoyed, confessions, personal, random, study, tragedies
Friday, May 29, 2009
I want that A but i obviously dont want it enough. The more i think about it the more upset i am that i took this course instead of my original decision to do journalism. I cant believe i let my parents push me that far. Oh well, engineering still does sound interesting but seriously? how much longer is my attention span even going to last me.
i finally got a much needed sleep of almost 8 hours after my 48 hours insanity. i am still very tired. but in about 3 hours time my presence will be expected somewhere i dont even see the point in being. at night, i am still in confusion whether to be there or to stay home and pretend to study which we all know ends up with me on msn being distracted by stupid natalie. pfft.
why am i going to a charity event instead of going to personally meet steve aoki is a freaking mystery. i want to squirm out of this so badly =(
oh god, my eyes cant stay open.
Labels: angry, emo, personal, rants, sad, tragedies, upset, wordy
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
after over an hour of tossing around in bed my eyes are wide open now, every detail seen with a strange clarity one gets from being high. yet the brain is disconnected and studying attempts become futile if not totally a waste of time.
even music does nothing to calm me down and i wonder what the fuck is up with me now.
~*~*~*~*~*~
2.30am edit : this confused state of mine is tearing me apart. anger annoyance frustration, it's all hitting me at once. it's like schizophrenia + depression all over again. i want to hit something, break something, be destructive.
maybe it's the pms talking yet it doesnt seem entirely feasible. the last time i felt this way was after learning what a cheating scum bag my ex actually was and how my closest friend at that time could so nonchalantly hurt me the way she did.
not like anything like that is happening now, but that channeled frustration seems all too familiar. i've had enough of self inflicting wounds so what the fuck do i do now then? strange how watching my own hand cut myself can calm me down in almost an instant; but no, not this time, there isnt even a solid reason for my current state of emotions.
my fan is making the most disgustingly disturbing sound and its repetitiveness is driving me insane. it's in situations like this i think people find it easiest to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger without hesitation.
if only i had a gun.
if only...
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, personal, rants, tragedies, upset, wordy
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
the bf does not have this problem because he lived in London as a kid and he still has that somewhat english accent going on though not that prominent as his childhood days or the first time i met him. la la la. i deduce it's my very strong ginny influences that killed his accent. not intentionally mind you but you know la. malaysian accent so addictive. its unavoidable wan!
here are some examples. what me and apparrently most malaysians end up saying on the right and the original word in bold on the left. (note that if u try to pronounce it after someone tells u ure mistake you may say it right but when u dont notice and speak freely this is what happens "=_=)
Third - Turd
Seth - Sef
Birth - Bert
Thick - Tick
Three - Tree
HOW COULD THIS BE?!?!?! where were those years of barney obsessions and learning how to pronouce the way barney did!! yes people. i love barney the giant purple dinasour so boo to you if you thick he's stupid >=( because barney is awesome and YOU KNOW IT.
huhuhuh.. interesting discovery no??
and dont tell me can pronounce nicely ah when u say to yourself because your ego would probably stop you from noticing the mistake. wah wth. damn mm kam yun can die.
Labels: asian, confessions, funny, musings, tragedies, wordy
Sunday, May 24, 2009
my exams are still on and already im in the holiday mood. how la like this. epic phail.com wei
im hungry but i cant even get my butt out of the house which is new with ginny. hello? its me wei how often do i tell u eh dowan la i damn lazy go out la when it involves yum cha food and my favourite people. something is soooo wrong
ive been eating porridge for the past few days and the taste is so repetitive at home i feel nauseas just looking at it. miehh... dumb throat. i want yee mee and cake .___. this sucks.
go away evil lazy bug. i spent pretty much the entire day in bed today. even typing this "=_= wtf is wrong with me
actually i wanna go out wan but i damn lazy change outta my sleepin clothes but cannot la. damn shy go out of my housing area like thissssssss.. urgh urgh.. getting dressed and putting on clothes is such a chore lately.
mieh.
Labels: annoyed, confessions, random, rants, tragedies