..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Monday, September 07, 2009
this time im pretty sure with my decision and what i want to do. only problem now is whether my parents are capable of forking out the cash.
so far it looks like an okay but still waiting for a definite answer.
im afraid. im afraid of hearing words of the opposite manner. i finally feel a little bit more at ease at my decision but what if the answer is no. and back into my dreary routine i go.
believe.
(edit: and right now i am unhappy.... fuck this shit..)
Labels: nightmares, personal, study, trauma
Monday, July 06, 2009
it's not that i hate my classes, it's not that i hate being in class. it's the whole idea of it that denies me my freedom and acceptance to even want to go back to it all. it really isnt about being lazy either its about doing something i know i really have lost the passion for; a dead end at a frozen trail and all i see is this monochromed lie thats slowly burying me inside.
holidays are meant to be good for you but what happens when you never really recover from it?
my next tattoo is a suicidal fairy straped to a revolver, unladylike and fierce; a piece i fell instantly in love with yet had no proper meaning to. it just stared back at me begging to be imprinted, with words "think happy thoughts" in place of the model of the revolver. it felt so me somehow yet brought no reason or that 100% clarity of being a permanant mark on my body that time around. classes have started and i fear depression setting it; it is right now that it brings a deeper sense of being somehow. i think this week will be a good time to get it done.
i just want to run away from it all, run away from the expectations of others and live my life happy and free. "you and everyone else" i hear the words scream back in my head. but i guess im not as strong as everyone else is now then am i? im not that girl with ambition or drive to make something of herself and like many other people i have become a downcast in the cruel eyes of mankind and the society we have been brought up in.
on the bus my thai friend asked, "why are you called emo girl? i know you so long and you like happy all the time only?" it's true, i've been quite the carefree child over the months of skipping classes and doing things i want but today, right now, in the midst of forcing myself to get ready for class i sit here in front of this lighted screen and finally after months, break down.
Labels: body art, confessions, emo, personal, sad, study, upset, wordy
Friday, June 12, 2009
but i sat in front of the comp and ended up playing Sims 3. that was at 4 pm. it is now almost 2a.m and i just stopped about 15 minutes ago T___T. i only stopped to take a quick 15 minute dinner and a quick 10 minute shower. omgwtfbbq.
right now i am partially blind @_@ everything looks somewhat blurry and my heads spinning and omg it feels good to waste my life playing pointless games for hours after hours like i used to =D. i am sick in the head wtf.
i did update 2 days back but it was a short reminder post so i decided not to post it. but i'll jsut add it here.
I want a 70s themed roller disco party =D
er yeah i had to remind myself in my blog because i have a lot of self proclaimed parties that i forget a few days later because i am forgetful like that.
nothing much to update my life about but obviously the exams arent over. once again i have succesfully pawned myself with my laziness and amazing procrastination skills hence i forsee many many resit papers in the near 4 months. omgwtfbbq. oh well. my bad. still cant feel that whole STUDY ITS IMPORTANT thing in my head. maybe on the final of the final chance @_@
my head hurts .____.
claypot crab rice T____T
Labels: cravings, games, random, reminders, study, stupidity, tragedies, wordy
Thursday, June 04, 2009
i have 3 maths paper left and suddenly i dont like maths that much anymore. it's probably due to the amazing ability of mine to procrastinate. so amazing to the extent that i now have just over 24 hours to remember everything and do an unidentified sum of sums to burn that shit into my head. good grief, and here i am titter tottering about blogging. when will i learn. mieh
i want to lie in bed and roll around like i just dont care and play my sims 3 T____T SIMS 3 PEOPLE.. urghhhh. urghhh sounds like im regurgitating. okay that was totally random and irrelevant. i will go slap myself now. bai @_@
Labels: annoyed, confessions, personal, random, study, tragedies
Thursday, May 21, 2009
well technically i was but my brain was working on slow mo and i didnt have enought time to finish T___T good bye A.. hello resit for the 3rd time. wtf
Labels: annoyed, confessions, emo, personal, random, sad, study, stupidity, tragedies, upset
when this worry sets it it starts a chain of annoying heightened sense of awareness of everything around you. lights become brighter and sound waves reach those delicate ears in an amplitude much higher than you once remembered.
everything becomes clearer allright,except that fuzzy tired mind and as much as you want to study your mind tells you to take a short nap and this annoying cause of anxiety just fucks you over.
sometimes i wonder why we have exams. i remember randomly reading my text books out of curiousty and due to the leisurely sentiment of that time, my brain absored every little bit of detail and fact like a sponge. my mouth would open up and shoot out random excited statements aimed at the bf out of the whole thrill of learning something new.
i am in nerd in such sense, i love learning new things.
but the whole idea of having to be forced to memorise everything just to score in a damn paper that barely proves anything makes the whole process appaling. nothing i read is interesting anymore and nothing i read even wants to make a little lodge of indentation in that pissed off brain of mine.
where is the beaty in education if this is what it has become. a pathethic way of students to prove how well their brain can memorise facts that they find absolutely no interest in.
i want to be a kid again. time where exams didnt exist and where the opening ups of encylopedias and dictionaries made my eyes light up. U_U
Saturday, May 16, 2009
times almost up and my exams are only a few days ago. made promises t omyself of studying and self grounding but all the angst that has been building up just keeps deterring me. i havent studied at all for over a week. construction at home doesnt help either.
im just really tired.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
how can a vegetarian dickhead like me find so many things to eat @_@ maybe i should really consider going vegan like sam said. that'll teach me to stuff my face that way again
so this is what happened.
miss Natalie Chai decides OH WOW IMMA GONNA HAVE A PRIMARY SCHOOL REUNION!! so we end up at TGIF.. me representing the smart apparently lan c class(if only i was smart and nerdy again so i can stop procrasinating and get good results..wtf).. wtf.... yah "=_= i was the freaking oddball at the place because everyone else was from a different class (labelled the naughty class) EH IM NOT STEREOTYPING OKAY THEY SAID SO THEMSELVES...
they were going through this conversation where they aimed nat and went why u never invite this that this taht suddenly someone says EH WHY NO SMART PPL HERE WAN (the smart class ppl) then all fingers come zooming at me neh one representative. wtf.not that im really smart la. i just did well at exams for some unfathomable reason considering the history of shit i had in the past and was in the class. OH YA I REMEMBER. i think it was because i was bribed with stuff like the PS to get good results. hence. end of bribe=end of good results. wtf. im such a shithead.
and really my classmates were my closest friends until form 4 where i just totally became the black sheep and got along with the other classes better instead =/ ...
er yah so ANYWAY.. after TGIF we stoned at Wong Kok.. and then after that Tien Tien Lai @ Pudu AND THEN CAKE AT ALEXIS!!
so if u do that in a labelled diagram as so
IN THE SPAM OF 6 hours (TGIF > Wong Kok > Tien Tien Lai > Alexis) ........... that really is a lot of food isnt it @_@ and among the mini entourage of 4 i brought along with me to Tien Tien Lai and Alexis for dinner and dessert with le fatso TJ.. i was the only one who continued eating and had cake. OMGWTFBBQ
but cake and chamomile tea is good for the sick soul U_U not that im any better today but that's besides the point
AND BECAUSE I DID NOT GET TO STUDY YESTERDAY %&$^$%&$^%*&$^# i am camping out at Fitness First Damansara today from 12pm-5pm to alternate between studying and working out (sweat them icky flu germs out baybeh) .. jeezus.. im crazy hyper right now arent i @_@
U SEE MR CHAN AND STUPID TJ I AM SO CAPABLE OF SAYING NO TO OUTINGS AND STUDYING!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
oh shit.. its only 11am.. im getting sleepy @_@.....
Labels: asian, confessions, cravings, desserts, drinks, food, gym, happy, personal, random, study, western, wordy
Sunday, May 10, 2009
wth @_@ zouk was like my freaking facebook yesterday. I saw people i havent seen in ages and there were just so many of them my brain just went on malfunction of names at one point. .___. and to those who think the guy i was with yesterday is my bf. HAHAHAHHA. im still very much attached to Fugz thank you =)
AND I STUDIED OKAY!! i woke up early just to study physics!! see what i changed person i am *shiny eyes*
came home at about 6 AM.. wth i havent done that in forever ad set my alarm to 11 to wake up and study,. only to wake up as sick as a cow. right now i have a tissue sheet stuffed up my nose and my brain is going SSSTUDY SUDY STUUDYY!! they are coming to play guitar heroes so STUDY STUDY STUDY but the whole discomfort issue is just whoa.
i tried going back to sleep but my mind went NOOO~! IF U SLEEP YOULL WAKE UP IN THE EVENING AND THERE GOES STUDY!! NOOOOOOO SLEEEEEEEEEP.. so here i am... which is still pretty pointless.
k thx bye.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
HENCE. for the next month it will be hibernation month, NO DVDS, no shopping malls (dinner or lunches are acceptable =p) NO going out and yum cha-ing for more than 2 hours at a time, No more than 2 hours afternoon naps, NO GAMES, no stoning aimlessly for more than an hour at a time and more visits to Shah Alam's Burger King because i study best there *o*
*ties headscarf* I WILL STUDY!! >=( now all i have to do is wait until tomorrow to iniate said plan because all the book shops stocking my books are closed today. HUR HUR HUR.
Labels: confessions, personal, random, reminders, study
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
nike warehouse sale tomorow baybeh! although cash shortage is at extremities T___T my pays are all still going through tendering. sigh. when i have jobs i complain, when im jobless i feel sad and pathethic T___T no money income woi. i think as much as i hate working i'm starting to become quite the workaholic. not good not good. STUDY HOLIC GINNY THATS WHAT YOU NEED TO BE!
i finally broke a sweat at the gym today, oh so rare. Yahla. im damn lazy wan exercise but always take big breaks in between... U_U so my ex-trainer saw and went WOW YOURE FINALLY SWEATING!! and decided okay la im gonna give u some extra free training for 15 minutes. I think his intention was just to laugh at how pathethically weak i am U_U
brought one of my rabbits out with me to Jaya One. It's quite fun carrying a bunny in a basket out and then putting her in the trolley while you shop for groceries =D imma gonna do it more often. hohohoh. although this will probably give rediculously muscular arms due to the weight @_@ it's amazing how heavy a rabbit in a basket can be. hur hur.
oh! i havent had meat except seafood in over 3 weeks and a few days ago i had chicken at nandos. it was weird. yesterday i had steak and cheese at subway which is usually my favourite and it felt hell weird as well @_@ was pretty sick after that. hmmm..
hahah..wtf..this post got damn a lot of tags. actually my tags all pretty random. eh but i like la so how.
Labels: animals, food, gym, rabbits, random, study, wordy, work
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
todays gym session was with a trainer! and i am either retarded or my body's just way fucked. we did a lot of different types of exercise and eveyrtime he asked if a certain body part of mine was feeling the strain and most of them were normal.. BUT EVERYTIME he asked if my thighs were feeling it i said no *____* only my knees felt it which is mucho weird. he gave me weird looks like i was an alien or something but i love my trainer =D he's nice. and then i also apparently cannot feel strain on my back? which is also tres weird. i think its's because i've accumulated too much fats over the past years. i swear my back is soooo meaty you would think i should be rolly polly all round but i'm not @_@
my hamsters died =( so i got new ones! this is the first time i got non syrian hamsters because little hamsters scare me but they were staring at me through the glass =( and they bite!! RARW.. but they're so small it feels more like they're scratching me.. so one of them was nibbling my fingers and the boy asked if i was going to teach them to continue nibbling my fingers. i didnt even notice how dumb that move was "=_= i am so sad.
one of them is all white but she kinda resembles the joker because she has this really deep cut on one side of her mouth like the joker so she looks little weird. like her face is all twisty and senget or something but i love my hamsters. i have this tendency to bring home weird animals *O* usually the sick ones. sigh. can't help it. they just look so sad and strangely lovable.
on another note. <=== i use that a lot. er.. right anyway.. it's really annoying when the study mood decides to run off when i have time to study. everytime i feel all gung ho about studying i have to run off to work or some appointment or something and now when i'm all relaxed with nothing in particular to do (except physics which i used to adore but now hate. dont ask) but i dont have my physics book with me right now anyway.
i want asam fish.... and pasta....and ikan bakar....and pizza from pizza bravia...
oh gawd i am such a pig.