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So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Sunday, April 30, 2006
Day 1
airport early in the morning.air asia delayed as usual.so reach there quite late. checked in hotel den wonder around kuta XD dammit..i got no money to buy clothes.. HAIH.. so sad.... walk for more den 3 hours man!! tired like hell.. went to the beach to take a look.. WOW.. KENA SUCK MONEY LIKE HELL..me and ian braided out hairs but he took his off..mine damn messy now.. just braid haior then everyone else come..n blardy hell..i ended up using like 3-400 bucks in 1 hour.. PAINNNN I TELL U!! PAINNN~!!!! quite lazy to blog lar actually... hahahaha
Day 2
went to turtle island!! I SO LOVE IT!! I SWAM WITH TURTLES!!! I LITERALLY SWAM AND PLAYED WITH THEM!! DO U KNOW HOW FRIGGIN COOL THAT IS??!!! ITS LIKE FUCKING COOL...after that i went to a gorgeous n amazingly cheap spa. 45 bucks per person. 45 min massage. lulur scrub. yogurt thingie. and aromathic flower bath.all about 2 hours XD. went back. played at the beach. sigh...i wanna go surfing. but not enuff money u_u .. had dinner. went walk around kuta again and siggah and club maccaroni and drank bintang beer. lol. i love it there! they play chun music! went home. zzzzz..
Day 3
walked around the beach.went swimming. went lunch.fresh seafood! T_T.. expensive shit. but good. kekeke.. check out of hotel. but went swimming at pool again. hahaha.. den go home.. WUUWUW..so sad..i wanted to cry at the airport...
actually a lot more wan.. but im damn lazy to blog.. hahaa.. pics uploaded at http://sweetsimplicities.yafro.com but onli a few. rest will b uploaded in my multiply but next month T_T..over limit 4 this month.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
today again.. his words hit me in the face and stabbed me in my heart. half truths or full truth im totally unsure off but what was it about those words that shook me up? i knew that and i've been through it so many times.. so why does this time make it different? and i realise. it's the fact that it doesnt. it's the fact that somehow it may be more truth than fiction. and that even after more than a year. our love or at least his love is slowly flowing.. fading away.. or in fact it already has.
it made me wonder again for possibly the millionth time. what are we now? where are we? where are we headed? and what are we doing?who is he really? who am i? what am i too him? what is he too me? questions just screaming in my head. as tears slowly form in the corners of my eyes. and what do i do? nothing. but smile and push back my tears and pretend it's allright.
and the best fucking thing is. in approximately 36 hours from now. ill be boarding a plane to bali, indonesia alone with him and my menses *if it comes on schedule* and a relationship that's floating in the midst of undefined love. hanging. lost. and untold. for a total of 72 hours and another 24 hours in malaysia. =] i wonder where this will take us. will it show the truth of what we are. where we're at? or just the same. unanswered?...
and yes. this will be the 1st time in nearly 2 years that we'll be together alone for more than 20 hours without the possible interference of his friends. or anyone else we know for that matter unless for some bizzare twist of fate we manage to meet someone we know in bali.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
You are a Visionary
Your imagination, self-assuredness, and knowledge of the world combine to make you a VISIONARY.
You have clear notions of how things could be, and the confidence to try to make them that way.
You enjoy having a routine, and prefer comfort and familiarity to risk and adventure.
Not needing others' approval to forge ahead, you are confident in your designs for the future.
Your imagination allows you to envision the world as a better place.
You're better at thinking of the big picture than you are with details, and you can see wonder in abstract things.
Style and appearances are important to you, and you have a good eye for beauty.
You are somewhat rigid in your beliefs, which comes from both confidence and an aversion to change.
You are good at creating works of art in forms with which you're familiar.
If you want to be different:
Appreciate the earthly, functional elements of things.
Your clarity of vision sometimes prevents you from being open to new ideas. Try expanding your horizon of experiences, and experimenting with novel ways of doing things.
how you relate to others
You are Free-Wheeling
Your charismatic nature, liveliness, and independence make you FREE-WHEELING.
You don't mind being in the spotlight, preferring social gatherings to quiet nights at home.
You take a practical approach to people, not getting too involved in their feelings—or their business.
At the same time, your acceptance of others leads you to be understanding of their life circumstances, even if you don't quite understand their emotional reactions to some things.
Although you have a wide circle of friends, you're very discerning as to whom you can trust.
You're not rigid in your beliefs about the world, and you don't want to impose your perspective on others, but at the same time, you know that plenty of people don't always act responsibly.
Engaging with others is a large part of how you live in the world, and most importantly, it plays a role in how you see yourself—you tend to learn a lot about yourself in situations where you are with other people.
You have an understanding of the complexities of situations, and you don't judge others too hastily.
If you want to be different:
Your open-mindedness about the world gives you a great perspective on things, but your lack of trust in others limits how close you can get with them. Try opening up to people a bit more without losing your healthy skepticism.
While being the life of the party will occasionally come naturally to you, be sure to reserve time for yourself—see what you can learn by spending some time observing the world rather than just by diving in.
you can take this test here
Saturday, April 22, 2006
who is this manly man of all men?!!?!? he is no other than Duke from She's the Man ...
and who is this manly Duke played by?...
i actually have no idea.. WAIT LAR.. IM GOOGLING HIM NOW LOR.. CIS...gimme a sec can annot.. i update you on other things lar.. celaka
...last thursday..i went to shook.. WHICH I TOTALLY DO NO RECOMMEND.. the price u pay is just not worth it.. the quality wasnt as good as expected =S... its just the atmosphere u pay for i guess.. after that i went to tiff sumtin sumtin at starhill wan lar..and there i met a bunch of lovable gay guys!!! I LOVE THEM!! such sweethearts.. and 1 of them is ken lim.. =] whos ken lim?? he's no other than the owner of ken's apothecary.. BWAHhahaHAHAA.... and he is suuucchh a sweeetthhearrtttt <3
ANYYWAYY.. i found him!! his name is Channing Tatum!! OMG..HE IS SO HOT ..im getting shivers just looking at him.. *orgasms* GO WATCH shes the man so u can all drool over him!!! yummmmyyy..
and...
here....
he...
is...
<3 <3 <3
Monday, April 17, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
i just came back from the hospital.. in the past 1 yr 10 months of being with ian.. i have been through 3 deaths with him.1 grandmother and 2 grandfathers. both his side... and both grandfathers felt like i was losing my own grandfather...
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i remember the 1st grandpa that passed away. it was on valentines day last year. me and ian were oblivious to everything and were talking away happily about our dinner plan when the phone suddenly rang saying that his grandfather was in the hospital. no one told us anything.so we went home to prepare for tonight 1st n headed to the hospital about half an hour -1 hour later.. we were too late... and we had no idea it was so serious.... we cried on valentines but we got a lot of roses and we kept them as a tribute to him and laid it on his chair =) .. sadly.. the dog kept gnawing on them "=_=
this grandfather. he was an adorable man and he was possibly one of sweetest man i have ever met. he was always on his chair in his white singlet and shorts watching tv occasionally a crossed checked shirt unbuttoned. he loved buddy and he loved all of us =) ... he was often alone because no one was ever at home.. and i remember how happy he looked when 1 day i was there and ian went out.. so he went to the mamak.. and like he usually does he asked if i would like to join him... it was the 1st time i said ok.. because usually i would b wid ian...
he told me stories of so many things while eating his curry maggi with mutton =) hahaha... i could tell the ppl at the mamak adored him as well because they were particularly nice to him... when i was alone at ians house waiting for ian.. he would often start talking to me about life and his past and just stories.. he was particularly fond of telling me about pearl harbour while stroking buddy...
my own grandfather passed away a few years back.. and this grandfather felt like my own.. i only knew him for less den a year...and didnt speak too him much but he found a place in my heart and i will always remember him... sometimes i look at his chair and i can imagine him sitting there in his white singlet and brown shorts as always just flipping through channels on the tv...
i miss him....
and now.. his brother has just passed away a few hours ago.. yes his brother.. its a long story.. maybe another time =S
today is the 15th .... 1 day after his brother.. but on a different month.. this time we were at mid valley.. we had just bought movie tickets and were looking for something to eat when once again suddenly the dreaded call....*grandma called.. she said grandpa is dead* .. this was from andrea.. so ian called back.. and his grandma went *i think grandfather died liao* ... this left us stunned.. and we rushed back there immediately..
thank gawd.. he was alive.. but he was moaning in pain... and he was vomiting all over refusing to get up..he just laid there sprawled on the table making noises and refusing to open his eyes... ians cousin had just called for an ambulance.. they said they would reach in 15 mins but onli reached 45 mins later dued to the jam.. the panic that went through all of us was enough to literally kill us all...
we rushed to hukm... and by the time we reached there..he was a lot better than b4.. we were relieved.. so we even headed off to eat a late lunch at mc d.. thinking it would all be okay.. when we went back.. everything seemed fine.. he was stable... but he had to have an operation because there was a problem with his veins..
i had to rush home and ian was tired as well...so we left 1st while his dad waited with him... we thought it would all be okay.. when suddenly ian calls me and tells me i have to go to the hospital now..the doctor says hes going to die... i was shocked.. literally stopped in my tracks and just stood there with the phone on my ears staring at space...
we went.. to hospital kuala lumpur..it was raining..there was jam... we had to run in the rain..moving around blindly.. an hour had passed when we finally reached somewhere but the guard said we couldnt go up.. so ian called his dad.. his dad said blah blah blah .. said it was on the other side.. but the stupid road was 1 way so we had to go out and go in again before we went in.. his dad called again demanding where we were..so we told him...
.........................................
and we discovered... we were at the wrong hospital...... they were still at HUKM..... gawd noes who told us the wrong crap.. we were in utter confusment..angry..frustrated...on the way back to cheras.. i suddenly felt a sudden emotion run through me and tears welled up.. i felt it..i felt him leave....but i wasnt sure.. i knew i was sensitive to things like ghost and spirits.. but i didnt think it was true.....
by the time we reached.. nobody told us anything..but we couldnt see him..his ward was closed off.... and i overheard them talking.. he passed away.. we were too late... AGAIN....tears welled up and i could feel my heart drop.... it was real.. what i felt in the car earlier was real....
ive onli met him 3 times so far.. he's a pastor and also one of the sweetest man ever.. he has the cutest laught and the cutest smile... i was often made fun off my ians grandma/his wife because i was a banana and their family often spoke in hokkien..but he would always never leave me out and tried his best to translate everything for me.. he used to tell me stories about christianity and he always gave me little bits of advices.... today came as a shock because he was still pretty healthy.....and till now i still cant really accept the reality of it...
i've lost another grandfather.. and it hurts... i dint break down and cry.. not in the hospital.. i couldn't.. i had to be there for ian.. but the minute i step onto my car porch and looked at my dog..i broke down..i sat there while my great dane laid by my feet occasionally nudging me on my face with her nose
....i miss him 2.....
it proves that love hurts and those we love always hurt us most....i wonder why.....i know why.. but yet i dont know why...
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dear mr woon.! the greatest pastor/grandfather ever! may you rest in peace and take care always! we'll miss you and we all love you a lot. you'll always be in our hearts!! god will always be with you! muacks!!! hugs and kisses!
Friday, April 14, 2006
until he says and comments on how jam it is because of an accident... and shows us... my heart stops...realising.. you're just stuck in the jam... and a little part of me wishes it was you in that accident because my heart hurts so much after what happened early at the start of today...my already broken spirits drop a notch and i stare off into oblivion wishing and wishing that maybe you've changed..and you would try to fix things.. stupid..naive.. 1 yr...nearly 10 months... WTH was i expecting?
i felt nausea... i wanted to puke but i stopped myself.. "just a little while more and i'll be home" i told myself....i reached home.. dizzy... close to tears in fact as my brain bombarded me with stupid questions of why? why him?? why are you still with him? he'll never change. give it up.
i trudged up the stairs. striped off my sufocating uniform and fell on the bed.i closed my eyes and suddenly i hear a boy's voice outside and the sound of my door. and my dogs jumping off my bed and running downstairs to bark. my heart skips a beat.. "ITS HIM ITS HIM" it yells..i couldnt help myself from smiling...until i realise.. it really isnt my door.. and it isnt just 1 voice.. its 2... my brain was just playing tricks on me..
i broke down.. i lay in bed half dressed crying and finally fell alseep.. now im up.. awake.. i see 2 messages on my phone.. i smile.. maybe it's you.. hahaha.. unfortunately .. no.. it isnt... not very long after my phone rings.. i perk up.. thinking its your ring tone.. but it isnt... my heart falters and i just want to sink back into my comforter and never wake up...
i go on9 and suddenly its you.. you're calling me..i answer it.. and your voice goes into that mellow manja thing you usually do when im mad at you and u feel bad.. my heart melts and i want to forgive u.. but no.. i wont.. not so fast..i out on this hard voice and u ask me.. why did i sound like that.. i told you why.. and you got angry and irritated again...and said whatever..
..........
i noticed i cant smile anymore.. when i smile my smile looks so fake.. like it isnt really sincere... i went through my photo albums.. and so far in 1 yr..onli 10% of my pictures has sincere smiles in them.. the rest were just... fake.....
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
WHY LAR PEOPLE!! WHO DONT UPDATE BLOG WAN... damn sien u know everytime i come on9.. go to my usual reads and all unupdated!! ITS SO SAD.... T_T... *speak for myself...ownself dont blog shoot ppl...wkakakaka* now i come on9..just stare blankly at the screen when i should b doing more productive stuff like..eating..sleeping..and studying u_u ...
HOW HOW HOW... WHYYYY!!! i wonder if i was a sloth in my past life.. HMMM.. btw.. I SAW THE MOST ADORABLE SHOES FROM ADIDAS!! WHITE AND PINK FROM THEIR YOGA RANGE!! has anyone seen it ?? ive only seen it once and not i cant find it anymore.. they resemble futsal shoes!
Monday, April 10, 2006
i want to go shopping..i saw this gorgeous pair of pink adidas shoes that i think are futsal shoes actually.. dammit..i have no money.. i want to buy lots and lots of crystals n water ornaments and put them around my room..i want to buy proper stuff for a scrapbook that i never actually got around to doing...
i want to east toast bread.. but the bread in my hse has just expired TT
i want to go to the caribbean...~ i want to visit rome.. paris... and all that...!! i want to sleep on the grass in the park... and stare at the stars...
sigh...
Saturday, April 08, 2006
whats love really? ... is it real?.. or is it just a word created by humans to deceive each other? and whats being in love? whats its purpose...? why do the ones you love most always end up being the ones who hurt you most? ... why? ....
Friday, April 07, 2006
reason.. mr kenny is leaving n its his last day....T_T...i don't know.. ive never cried for a teacher before.... and he's not even a teacher.. he's my head of secondary...but for some reason.. he's touched me in so many ways and left a really lasting impression on me...even after i went home... the tears didn't stop.. how very strange indeed...
anyway i wish him all the best wherever he's going even if he doesnt read my blog ;p but hecks..
and sorry ppl for the lack of update.. just been really moody and lazy lately
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
did i tell u guys my camera is dead.. thx to that arse... T_T. less camwhoring for me