..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Wednesday, October 14, 2009
i usually relish rainy nights. today its sound resonates at a frequency much higher than usual in my head. the rhythemic repetition sounds like nails being drilled into my head and i want to scream in frustration at it all.
my eyes are burning again. i am very very tired.
yet i cannot stop moving. as we speak i am jiggling my right leg in such an unruly manner one would snap at me if they saw. my body aches all over.
i want to crawl into the arms of someone familiar and be soothed by his/her voice. someone to tell me it's okay and that they care. yes i am needy. and yes i am clingy. and even more yes i should probably learn to grow up.
i did not need to hear you mock my parking today. i know i am bad at it. normally i would laugh it off. today, my emotions couldnt deal with it. your voice rings in my head and i am torn between crying or being infuriated. you are drunk yet perfectly sober. ah. such contradictions.
this is bullshit.
angst is eating me up. i am eating myself up.
i dont even know what the fuck.
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, personal, random, rants, upset, wordy
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
yesterday afternoon i developed a weird lumpy rash on the back of my thighs. and what the hell this morning i wake up to discover it's still there and it seems to be slowly spreading T___T
omg.
it's so fucken itchy.
now my lower back has some of it T__T
in case you've been wondering my internet has been dead. in a friends place now. hmmm.
FUCK FUCK FUCK this is shitty!!
Labels: annoyed, nightmares, rants, tragedies
Monday, September 28, 2009
it was good until near the end.
when you used all those excuses with me. it reminded me of bitterness and how i hated the way you would tell me you had no money yet find reasons to go far away or do things that required it.times when i wanted you to stay home with me and you would reluctantly agree to and show how annoyed you were.
we were in that place for a long long time.
you being moody and angry at me all the time. you ignoring me. you doing things for me not out of sincerity but for the heck of it. even showing your moods to my friends who all eventually grew afraid of you. i was afraid of you. and yet, i could never speak out.
"ya ya!! i noticed!! he treat u damnnnn nice in perth!! he never treat u like that in kl!! in kl he's nice but it was never a sincere i love you kind of nice!!"
im amazed at how you would even allow me a to drive out alone at this hour after i told u i hit my car. how i said i didnt want to be in public and you said Mc D.
i am all kinds of hurt right now.
will i be okay tomorrow?
or will i wake up angry and in pain.
i was going to go to class. but i dont feel like it anymore.
Monday, September 07, 2009
yes yes fat face. whatever
dodgy much
hahaha poor baby rabbit had a teeth overgrowth problem
the mess that is my room.Labels: animals, annoyed, camwhore, guinea pigs, pics, rabbits, rants
Thursday, August 20, 2009
watching people in different environments and watching how differently they behave upsets me a little because sometimes the changes arent exactly in the best of ways or the most welcoming of aura. don't get me wrong, im probably the same but i guess when you arrive somewhere expecting something the after maths can end up quite devastating.
or maybe it's just me. strange how asian everything really is here and as asian as i am, fitting into the asian environment here is like asking me a duck to go make friends with a flock of chickens. it's just too different in a sense that it isnt the side of asians i really like. Jess C! i miss you!! boo to you for leaving me so early. hmph!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
had the biggest mug of beer at 230 PM in the afternoon yesterday and the cutest waiter served us. she was tall and skinny with this really shy smile yet she had a nose ring indicating she really isnt as innocent as she looks.
i spent a good deal of my time sipping my beer and watching her dart around with this adorably worried look she had plastered on most of the time. she made me smile =)
cant wait for sydney! shop till we drop =D
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, rants, tragedies, wordy
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
it's ironic how i was telling my friend he should quit smoking because he was coughing yesterday. he said he stopped for 3-4 years and now there's no more motivation. i think it was more of the fact that everytime he smokes it temps me to just grab the fucken thing from his hands and take that long deep puff. i have reached breaking down point. not good. not good at all.
i've been neglecting a lot of things lately, i guess the animals suffer the most when im at this stage. i need to snap out of this.
i have more male friends than female friends. is that so hard to accept?
and why the hell are ppl that have been MIA from my life over the past 2 years starting to come look for me again. i hate ulterior motives, it pisses me off. i dont need someone to sweep me off my feet, especially not someone whom just walks up and leave whenever im attached.
i want to fucken smash things right now. hello myviolent friend, it's been a while.
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, emo, musings, personal, rants, sad, stupidity, upset, wordy
there were time i sat on the bed while you happily used the computer and tears would be falling down my cheeks yet you wouldnt even flinch or realise at all. this happened a lot in the car. Many a times i tried talking to you and you would keep quiet and ignore me, and then i would pretend to sleep while my eyes were brimming in tears. Never noticed did you?
i wonder why you said those things you did because they were such short lived explanations and answers. You change your mind pretty quick don't you.
I wonder if you even realised how our relationship dwindled down the drain as i apparently became more of a troublesome chore to you than a partner. i wonder if you noticed how cold you started being over the past final months of what was left of us. i wonder a lot of things and i wonder if you noticed a lot of more important things rather than that trivial matter of my apparent cheating on you.
well just for the record, i never did and never have.
and yes i am angry that you are wasting my air tickets and visa that i worked so fucking hard for.
Labels: angry, confessions, him, personal, rants, upset, wordy
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
right i forgot what i wanted to say. but sam just reminded me of david lynch. DO U ALL REMEMBER THAT VIDEO I POSTED UP!!! the one called the alphabet T___T i bet u all didnt click on it T__T why like that. its damn awesome can. but i guess not many people actually get it. but he is amazing, the way he is able to visualise his thoughts in such a way is just sigh...he's got my respect yo. if one day i ever achieve that ability i will be very very proud of myself which is rare because i have pretty crappy self esteem issues.
my eyes hurt.
and i want to go to class but nobody wants to fetch me T_T wth. this is like the first time this is happening. am i crazy?? although class is still in another 8 hours but thats besides the point
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, rants, tragedies, wordy
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
now here's the thing. i am a krispy kreme addict and i travel at least once a year to somewhere with krispy kreme or at least people always bring them back to me. I DO NOT LIKE overly sweet things and i think krisky kremes original glazing IS PERFECT. hell, i think big apple and j co's ones are too damn sweet for me.
the first time i finally tried it in KL was at times square and by luck they were giving out free HOT ones like they do in every other country which was an amazing surprise to me because i pretty much thought malaysians would do it their way and forget the krispy kreme courtesy. well fuck me, i've only seen this happen once in KL so i guess it was a short lived thing.
but i was quite dissapointed after ordering my doughnut. it came cold. something i have never encountered anywhere else. krispy kremes logo is a neon sign and it says come in for rolling hot doughnuts or something along that lines which means it is a MUST that the doughnuts you are served are hot or at least acceptably warm. i ignored this.
last week at mid valley my doughnuts were cold again. today a friend told me her story and she is an even bigger addict that me. it was the first time in her life she couldnt finish her doughnut. why? well. apparently the doughnut was cold and hard and the sugar was flacky pointing out they were not using the proper sugar but cheap ones instead hence the overly sweetness of the doughnuts.
she then requested they heat up the doughnut and they answered her with they have no microwave. THIS IS NEW. like wtf. how can u not have a microwave? so all the while the doughnuts have been served cold?? so she asked if she could have a new FRESh doughnut and thye told her no because there were no fresh doughnuts available.
oh my, does that mean krispy kreme malaysia has been using left over doughnuts?? because apparently a lot of people who have brought them home, after leaving it overnight the doughnut sugar becomes hard and flakes off while the doughnuts harden.
krispy kreme has a reputation of being able to keep its dougnuts refrigerated for over 3 months and once heated up remains just as soft. heck, even if you dont pop it in the microwave you leave it out for a minute or two and it's still pretty soft and the sugars still nice and glossy.
sigh. why oh why malaysia did you do this to my beloved?
Labels: angry, annoyed, desserts, food, rants, sad, tragedies, wordy
Saturday, June 27, 2009
but lately i notice a lot of blogs only ever update when there's an advertorial. i mean if its one or 2 of the blogs i read then yeah sure go ahead i dont mind reading about your product but what happens when a few blogs at one shot churn out the almost exact thing. now this wouldnt be such a big deal if the blogs were frequently updated but if any of you have even noticed, a majority of these blogs almost never update unless it's an advertorial. and then the blog looses it's essence of the original owner which saddens me =(
or maybe it could be me going back to the same blog a few times a day thinking its a new day. wtf. but im sure it isnt that.
come back bloggers.
and then there's another thing that has been annoying the shit out of me. There have been a few bloggers on whose names we shall not mention who think that are tres fehmes and when people dont recognize or acknowledge them they put on this haughty face and go OH you dont know me ah. it's okay la. no big deal. OMGWTFBBQ.
you think you model or movie star or something is it, please la. so you have a few thousand readers a day but really, does anyone care? nuh uh. maybe when you do something like volunteer at a 3rd world country instead of brag about your daily work and stuff then people would care more yea.
im sorry im on angst mode and these random stuff just popped out =S
(12pm edit: i was going to do a MJ tribute using a video of my once london bf as a kid but he wont give it to me >=( i am still trying to fish it out)
Labels: annoyed, blogger, confessions, rants, stupidity, wordy
Friday, June 26, 2009
and thanks to this i turn green when i see girls who look good in almost every shot. just yesterday i was with 3 of the FHM girls, Kellie Yap, Jasimine and Davina Goh. well great, FHM's camera people run out of battery and so use my very random compact cam instead. AND I SWEAR in every freaking picture we took of them, posed or candid they looked good.
my eyes were literally O_O because i find that really unfair. i mean they do look good in real life but the fact that they looked even better in every single frame of the picture was amazing. they even looked good when they had that half closed eye pictures which is pretty awesome. and this makes me tres sad and like the title points out jealous. miehh..
and i discovered something relatively new, i've always thought skinny girls looked a lot better in pictures because the camera puts on an extra 10 pounds or something on you but these girls were definitely not in the category skinny. they were actually pretty normal sized which is a good thing okay. slim and skinny are two very different words, thank you very much.
ah this is such a random rant. eh i didnt insult the girls okay, they were very nice me like. im just complaining about how sad it is that im not photogenic. hurhurhur
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, rants, tragedies, wordy
Sunday, June 21, 2009
i am such a pig.
i cant seem to stay awake for more than 6-8 hours before wanting to crash in bed and die. this is bad. today i woke up at 11. went online. ate lunch and went back to sleep for 3 fekking hours. my holidays are being slept away T___T
i want to learn how to knit and crochette!! why am i like that T___T
its the 2nd week of my holidays and i havent even done anything remotely holiday worthy. oh. i did watch a play with my col mates yesterday! AH!! something worth talking about and oh boy it was awesome. the lighting and all was just superb
its called Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard. its been a while since i last enjoyed a play. ah. my love for theater. see. i keep telling myself i will got audition one day but alas. i have yet to do so. tsk tsk tsk. why am i such a procrasinator.
holy smokes. i just realised my rabbits ate about 1 feet off my curtains @_@
Friday, June 19, 2009
why are they so hard to open with such little meat inside T____T garrhhh. juicy succulent sweet whitenesssss.. i cravveee for youuu T___T
the past week has been extremly unproductive. eysterday night i proclaimed to the bf that i would be productive today. the most productive thing i did was get up and make mashed potatoes. wtf wtf.
at least i went to the gym yesterday after a month T___T i am a weakling. doomed.com
Labels: confessions, random, rants
Friday, May 29, 2009
I want that A but i obviously dont want it enough. The more i think about it the more upset i am that i took this course instead of my original decision to do journalism. I cant believe i let my parents push me that far. Oh well, engineering still does sound interesting but seriously? how much longer is my attention span even going to last me.
i finally got a much needed sleep of almost 8 hours after my 48 hours insanity. i am still very tired. but in about 3 hours time my presence will be expected somewhere i dont even see the point in being. at night, i am still in confusion whether to be there or to stay home and pretend to study which we all know ends up with me on msn being distracted by stupid natalie. pfft.
why am i going to a charity event instead of going to personally meet steve aoki is a freaking mystery. i want to squirm out of this so badly =(
oh god, my eyes cant stay open.
Labels: angry, emo, personal, rants, sad, tragedies, upset, wordy
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
after over an hour of tossing around in bed my eyes are wide open now, every detail seen with a strange clarity one gets from being high. yet the brain is disconnected and studying attempts become futile if not totally a waste of time.
even music does nothing to calm me down and i wonder what the fuck is up with me now.
~*~*~*~*~*~
2.30am edit : this confused state of mine is tearing me apart. anger annoyance frustration, it's all hitting me at once. it's like schizophrenia + depression all over again. i want to hit something, break something, be destructive.
maybe it's the pms talking yet it doesnt seem entirely feasible. the last time i felt this way was after learning what a cheating scum bag my ex actually was and how my closest friend at that time could so nonchalantly hurt me the way she did.
not like anything like that is happening now, but that channeled frustration seems all too familiar. i've had enough of self inflicting wounds so what the fuck do i do now then? strange how watching my own hand cut myself can calm me down in almost an instant; but no, not this time, there isnt even a solid reason for my current state of emotions.
my fan is making the most disgustingly disturbing sound and its repetitiveness is driving me insane. it's in situations like this i think people find it easiest to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger without hesitation.
if only i had a gun.
if only...
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, personal, rants, tragedies, upset, wordy
Sunday, May 24, 2009
my exams are still on and already im in the holiday mood. how la like this. epic phail.com wei
im hungry but i cant even get my butt out of the house which is new with ginny. hello? its me wei how often do i tell u eh dowan la i damn lazy go out la when it involves yum cha food and my favourite people. something is soooo wrong
ive been eating porridge for the past few days and the taste is so repetitive at home i feel nauseas just looking at it. miehh... dumb throat. i want yee mee and cake .___. this sucks.
go away evil lazy bug. i spent pretty much the entire day in bed today. even typing this "=_= wtf is wrong with me
actually i wanna go out wan but i damn lazy change outta my sleepin clothes but cannot la. damn shy go out of my housing area like thissssssss.. urgh urgh.. getting dressed and putting on clothes is such a chore lately.
mieh.
Labels: annoyed, confessions, random, rants, tragedies
arghh.. i think the saying the sun is frying my brains would be an understatement. i bet my brains all weirdo and messed up right no.
fark the pain. i can feel them veins popping up. its friggin midnight and it's still unusually hot.
knocks head on keyboard.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
1. eat fried rice.
2. follow TJ out on one of his random excursions especially if it involves crazy cold houses.
3. eat very salty foods
mieh... so yesterday i tried studying but i couldnt cuz i woke up with a very bad sorethroat after some seriously salty maggi mee the night before. i was online and then took a nap only to wake up with a body ache and i felt a little warm but the bf said it was just the weather and i assumed my body aches were from my rather weird sleeping postures.
so the boy went home for a while and i decided to follow TJ out and we ended up at someones house where his aircond nearly killed me if not literally killed me.
after about 2 hours my eyes started feeling funny and my body felt like it was frozen. TJ FINALLY DECIDES okay we can go now and in the car i was a goner.
initial plan to hop to another friends place to study came to a halt for me because my body just couldnt bear it anymore.
at home i rolled myself into my uber thick comforters and felt like my whole body was still encased in ice.. the boy came back and i told him to come feel my frozen fingers but his reaction was errr..they arent that cold.. mines colder @_@ ..and i knew i was doomed.
i asked for a glass of hot water in my froggie cup and when he gave it to me i went ITS COLD @_@.. den he went noooooooooooo its not. wahlao. body total chaos wei.
at about 2-3 am i woke up and wanted grapes. and i was told by the boy my fever just went up and im having high fever now.
zzz.. so i dindt know what to do @_@ i had my grapes and rolled back into bed.
now the fevers gone down but it's still there and my brain just wont focus on my physics notes which i am going to be doomed for in exactly 24 hours if i dont snap out of this.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
wth @_@ zouk was like my freaking facebook yesterday. I saw people i havent seen in ages and there were just so many of them my brain just went on malfunction of names at one point. .___. and to those who think the guy i was with yesterday is my bf. HAHAHAHHA. im still very much attached to Fugz thank you =)
AND I STUDIED OKAY!! i woke up early just to study physics!! see what i changed person i am *shiny eyes*
came home at about 6 AM.. wth i havent done that in forever ad set my alarm to 11 to wake up and study,. only to wake up as sick as a cow. right now i have a tissue sheet stuffed up my nose and my brain is going SSSTUDY SUDY STUUDYY!! they are coming to play guitar heroes so STUDY STUDY STUDY but the whole discomfort issue is just whoa.
i tried going back to sleep but my mind went NOOO~! IF U SLEEP YOULL WAKE UP IN THE EVENING AND THERE GOES STUDY!! NOOOOOOO SLEEEEEEEEEP.. so here i am... which is still pretty pointless.
k thx bye.
Friday, May 08, 2009
i've heard about the whole Pulau ketam dog case quite a while back actually but at that time it didn't seem as serious as it actually sounded. over a week later after hearing about it, the news becomes big and a friend of mine all the way in the US right now emails me about it asking i'f im willing to volunteer and it hurts because as much as i want to i really cant right now.
pathethic realisation starts to hit; just how much longer can those dogs really survive out there? yea, there are people trying their best to bring them food everyday and bring the dogs back but how long can the supplies and funds last? sigh, as piau had said " WTF!! it's worst that jail wei!", i really couldnt agree more.
what seems like a glimmer of hope seems to be fading as more lives are getting weaker by the day. as much awareness of this case is beginning to finally have a major effect globally, how many people out there are really lifting a finger to help? (those with boats and mangrove expertise or whatever expertise that could make this whole rescue a lot easier)
i hate myself so much more for this. i talk and whine and rant, and yet in the end i am just like the others; sitting here in KL not really doing a thing to help.
those dgs or my own? go and help out and risk flunking my exams or do nthing, cry about it and attempt to study? doesnt really seem like much of choic no does it considering how near my exams really are and how i messed up last semester.
my hate for people just keeps eating into me and all i can think about right now is piercing a knife into heads of those who created this mess in the first place. But what good does that do if not fuel my growing anger.
and whats this about those villagers charging exorbitantly high prices just to ferry the volunteers across? how do thy even find it in themselves to actually take advantage of such a siuation disgust me to such an extent, i would love nothing more than to spit in their faces and hold their heads against the gravel of the ground with the heels of my feet as i put my weight on it. fuck you bastards, really just fuck you.
as time ticks by so does the slow heartbeats of te pulau ketam dogs ad the heavy hearts of those like me. tell me, tell me with all honesty, just how much time is left until humanity actually learns the meaning of that word.
-written somewhere between 11pm-12am
to quote a friend's dad "I love humanity, it's people i hate." - Feb 07
Labels: angry, confessions, dogs, emo, pre-written, rants, sad, tragedies, upset, wordy