..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Thursday, July 30, 2009
like loons said "being back in malaysia is like being in a time capsule" hahha the irony of his words. today i felt 16-17 again and hell did it bring back a lot of pretty good memories.
have i really been MIA for that long?
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
it's ironic how i was telling my friend he should quit smoking because he was coughing yesterday. he said he stopped for 3-4 years and now there's no more motivation. i think it was more of the fact that everytime he smokes it temps me to just grab the fucken thing from his hands and take that long deep puff. i have reached breaking down point. not good. not good at all.
i've been neglecting a lot of things lately, i guess the animals suffer the most when im at this stage. i need to snap out of this.
i have more male friends than female friends. is that so hard to accept?
and why the hell are ppl that have been MIA from my life over the past 2 years starting to come look for me again. i hate ulterior motives, it pisses me off. i dont need someone to sweep me off my feet, especially not someone whom just walks up and leave whenever im attached.
i want to fucken smash things right now. hello myviolent friend, it's been a while.
Labels: angry, annoyed, confessions, emo, musings, personal, rants, sad, stupidity, upset, wordy
there were time i sat on the bed while you happily used the computer and tears would be falling down my cheeks yet you wouldnt even flinch or realise at all. this happened a lot in the car. Many a times i tried talking to you and you would keep quiet and ignore me, and then i would pretend to sleep while my eyes were brimming in tears. Never noticed did you?
i wonder why you said those things you did because they were such short lived explanations and answers. You change your mind pretty quick don't you.
I wonder if you even realised how our relationship dwindled down the drain as i apparently became more of a troublesome chore to you than a partner. i wonder if you noticed how cold you started being over the past final months of what was left of us. i wonder a lot of things and i wonder if you noticed a lot of more important things rather than that trivial matter of my apparent cheating on you.
well just for the record, i never did and never have.
and yes i am angry that you are wasting my air tickets and visa that i worked so fucking hard for.
Labels: angry, confessions, him, personal, rants, upset, wordy
Monday, July 27, 2009
dont know what i want to say.
but around the merry go round of tears we go again.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
someone even went whoa, the legends back. wtf. what legend? i am now a henessy + apple juice / hennessy + ice cream soda addict
i was happy, i was even happier when you held my hand and pulled me with you despite the fact that she was just standing a few feet away. you said fuck that but i wonder if it came from your heart or was it just you being drunk. amazing how different you can be when you are in the radar of her sight.
that last whisper of good bye and the warmth of your hands on my waist left me like a pool on the floor yet what you did after that shocked me and those that watched. i should have been happy, but you know what? really im not. i wished you were that way without being intoxicated with so much as just a drop...
you probably wont read this, unless i tell you too but thank you for making me smile, even if it was just for that little while.
"Vous rencontrer etait destin, allant bien a votre ami etait un choix, tombant amoureux de vous etait au dela de ma maitrise "
Labels: confessions, emo, events, happy, personal, reminders, wordy, work
Saturday, July 25, 2009
cheesecake thing at Popeye's TTDI. pretty good
their mashed potatoes is awesomest
chicken biscuit+shrimp
i hate this. crazy salty
ooo..fleshy.
fried chicken...duh..what else?
pretty awesome mocha or was it iced choc? hell i just remember it being good at Cafe Libre, Taman Desa
my face like poofy maximum wei
say hello to Chippy
my dog camwhores with me. does yours?
Labels: animals, camwhore, dogs, drinks, food, happy, pics, western
Friday, July 24, 2009
you on the other hand are nowhere to be found. or maybe just avoiding me i guess, like how you do everytime the weekend rolls around. i tell myself to stop, i tell myself it's not worth it but in the end i just continue to let myself drop.
sarah mclachlan's voice kind of breaks a person when one is in such a state doesnt it?
i've been thrown back into the playing field, new people all around yet the one i want is the one that's out of bounds. fate has it's funny ways of spreading itself out.
sometimes i wish i really wasnt so nice. always doing things within it's boundaries. having my conscience scream at me everytime i think of doing something that might make my heart skip a mile.
right now im shattered, shattered like the fragile shards of glass thrown straight to the ground.
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, personal, sad, stupidity, upset, wordy
found this folder i apparently forgot about.
emo much
ghostly
azzy baby looking very angry
we see a light!
Thursday, July 23, 2009
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke this time
There was nothing to take me back to sleep
To take you off my mind, this time
And I keep saying
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I need to hide within a storm
So have the lightning come
Bring the winds that scream
And spill the fog all over town
Hold me in your standstill ground
And I will sink down
And you’ll be washed away
You’ll be washed away
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I really thought I was okay
I really thought I was just fine
But when I woke up this time
There was nothing to take you off my mind
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
I need to hide within a storm
So have the lightning come
Bring the winds that scream
Spill the fog all over town
Break through every door
Strip away the trees
Raise the rivers high
Just help me drown
Hold me in your standstill ground
And I will sink down
And you’ll be washed away
You’ll be washed away
Labels: angry, confessions, lyrics, personal, stupidity, upset
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
the glimmer of the pool envelopes my mind and i stare into nothingness, my mind a blank empty slate. i want to dive in i thought. i want to dive under, float on my back and let the world pass me by. i sat there for almost 2 hours wondering what if i tried, tried to let myself fall into that crystal like pool. just me and my water of solitude.
i didn't cry today. i felt my tears dry up. ive run out of things to cry about i thought. i am stronger today than i was yesterday.
and then "daddy" gave me a hug. the warmth that hit and the words he said stung me hard. "dont emo kay? you're worth more than that. if there's anything you will always have us. just call and we'll talk" it was at that point i finally let down my guard. my eyes welled up and an intense sadness swept through me. yet looking at those faces around me i stopped. i will not cry in front of them, not now not today was all that went through my head. i let a weak smile escape my lips and fell back into my state of empty oblivion.
i wonder if you really know just how much i feel?
on a side note...
what doesnt kill me will only make me stronger.
Monday, July 20, 2009
Watch yourself princess, you're stronger than that. Dont fall, not now.
Dark skies are usually happy for me, chilled and relaxed. What fucking irony. They say its karma, is it really?
Im surrounded by people i love right now, yet i cant help but feel lonely. I dont know how to explain what it is im feeling but i guess those around me already know.
***sam says helloooooooooo wassup***
havent felt this way since 2006.
please dont let me sink back in the way i once did. Theres much too many things happening around me for it to happen. Not now.
fairy tales dont exist.
Labels: confessions, emo, nightmares, personal, stupidity, upset, wordy
once again in my eyes i see the sight of gleaming metal and those pretty crimson lines. even the imagined sight of it puts a little smile at the side of my lips. perhaps i really am deranged.
i thought i was prepared. i thought i saw it coming.
but all i did was hurt everyone in it.
i dissappointed those that loved me most, ignored their acquisitions of what they had perceived of my pathethic little situation. i knew what they said were true, i knew the outcome of it; yet still i chose to go along.
why was i do dumb?
why didnt i swim away the way i knew i should have? why did i let myself drown in such an undignified way?
last night, i lost myself.
this morning, i am someone else.
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, nightmares, personal, sad, upset, wordy
stupidity is my middle name. although i say that a lot but this time, i think this time may just have been the icing on the cake.
it's time to grow up princess.
life really isnt all that fun after all. collateral damage has very obviously happened.
stand up and walk baby girl, you'll do just fine.
i hope.
Labels: angry, confessions, personal, reminders, upset
I have been here many times before
I hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Ouch
I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe
Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, lyrics, upset
Sunday, July 19, 2009
"anything to make you smile" definitely put a smile on my face.
kevinhan: wow ginny, ive never seen you so happy before.
this coming from the guy who says i answer the phone like a dead person. had a happy domokun themed shoot with the Xind. smiley smiley =) how rare of me.
just got back from an awesome dinner with bryan in Sao Nam, Changkat Bukit Bintang. tres awesome because i had my favvouuuritee mangostein+prawn salad. slurp slurp yum
am starting to love being around people again. perhaps my social anti-social phase has finally passed.
nothing much to say.
but yeap, life's good and i love my friends. ^_^
Labels: confessions, happy, personal, random
Saturday, July 18, 2009
at times when i think im fine it all breaks apart and somehow i feel that little splinter dig deeper into my heart. what am i thinking? no, i know what im thinking. instead, what am i doing? and why the hell am i doing it knowing that nothing good ever comes.take me back to Hat Yai 09 where coconut jellies and long car rides made me feel most at ease.
Labels: confessions, emo, musings, personal, pics, Thailand, travel, upset
Friday, July 17, 2009
so for a few days or so, this blog will be on hiatus until the air has settled.
don't worry. im not abandoning it.
Labels: confessions, him, personal, reminders
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
reality check 123, 4 random jumps in my sleep and my final wake up call had my heart thumping in its attempt to hammer itself out of my chest. i am still stuck in limbo i think. everythings bright and clear but my body feels pretty much detached from myself, i am lost in my own delirium of confusion.
ironic.
tonight i will undo my defenses and drink till i cant see straight.
Labels: confessions, emo, personal, upset
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
right i forgot what i wanted to say. but sam just reminded me of david lynch. DO U ALL REMEMBER THAT VIDEO I POSTED UP!!! the one called the alphabet T___T i bet u all didnt click on it T__T why like that. its damn awesome can. but i guess not many people actually get it. but he is amazing, the way he is able to visualise his thoughts in such a way is just sigh...he's got my respect yo. if one day i ever achieve that ability i will be very very proud of myself which is rare because i have pretty crappy self esteem issues.
my eyes hurt.
and i want to go to class but nobody wants to fetch me T_T wth. this is like the first time this is happening. am i crazy?? although class is still in another 8 hours but thats besides the point
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, rants, tragedies, wordy
happy gin?
at her fav italian porto romano, TTDI
why is hsi hair like that! @_@
mwahahha i got this for 15 bucks woi. see shit like this makes me happy
pooh bear is awesomness.
CAN FIT MAGGI AN OKAY!! and this is jap one summoh. BIGGER PACK. hohohoh
Sunday, July 12, 2009
hopefully ill be back to normal because crying and emo-ing over nothing in the alfa that has been through so many accidents is very conforting. hur hur hur.
oh hes snoring now.
and he has this really annoying clock and i can hear it so crisp and clear my paranoia is just becoming more heightened. i need to puke. big time.
i havent drunk alcohol properly in over years now since i stopped the whole clubbing habit and the god brother went MIA from my life. i wonder how it feels like to be drunk. right now, that sounds really good.
i need a drink.
Labels: annoyed, confessions, personal, upset
sometimes we do things unintentionally and then there is that fear of regret, yet we continue to do it anyway as if it's okay to continue even after knowing how bad things could turn out.
im not entirely sure what it is that i want to say but my tears right now shouldnt even flow considering what it is i have just said.
empty.
thats it, i feel empty right now.
lost in my own sea of complicted lies.
i guess my one of my previous post kinda jinxed me huh?
emo gin is very unfortunately back.
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, musings, personal, sad, stupidity, upset
Saturday, July 11, 2009
I did not have a good night, that is beyond obvious. Noise tha could drive a person crazy infiltrated my ears as i sat up in bed panting from that illusion paintd in my head. i want to scream, no, not a scared kind of scream, more like a confused scream indicating signs of lucid insanity.
I sit motionless, eyes bloodshot; i want myself step over the ledge of a window. No, i did not dream of my death. This, this wasnt even a dream. This was me, myself falling into temptaion of lost paranoia and those high pitched poisonous sounds. I think im losing it.
There is more, i know there is more that i need to say. Yet, staring out at the moving images, i feel like i've already drowned. Am i really even still alive? Strange, all i see is me sprawled unmoving on that cold solid floor.
What did i dream of you wonder. This that have happened, the present and things that might become is all that i can answer. No, it wasnt even anything sad. So why does it hurt me so bad?
Labels: angry, confessions, emo, personal, pre-written, upset, wordy
Friday, July 10, 2009
sorry. MIA pretty often lately.
zouk started out pissy and annoying but in the end fun times with the love loves. awesomeness much. fuck the damn guest list. lets dance and scream till our lungs break out.
busy busy busy busy.
dont go away because obs3ssionsz.net will be right back
you know i love ya =D
Wednesday, July 08, 2009
oh hello there babycakes of obs3ssiosz.net :*)
umm, as guest blog... -___- i have ntg to say.
ok . . . .
according to ginny's definition, i'm a hyped-up male trapped in a female's body. alright, i exaggerated!. . .
ginny is basically an emotional chick all trapped in one soul.
however, its pretty sad that i haven't really seen her during her emo periods, besides this blog of hers and msn . majority of the time when i do actually see her which is like one a year, she's the nicest of person, includes fugz..ahaha. travelling from her place to mine which is like kajang, the totally opposite route. for that travelling distance, i love her. :*)
*ok and fugz too . . .
besides that, i reckon that she's the cutest and stonest person ever. :*D. thanks for taking me around KL.. food, chilling, friends. . ahhh . . i reckon without her, my summer and winter breaks in KL would be a totally depressing holiday -___-'' .
goshes, she's rushing me. . >__<
there's nothing about me in this post, however, you know you could always hop on to findafullmoon.blogspot.com. erhemmmm. HAHAH!
i have three words for you ginny yap!
I LOVE YOU kao kao:)
chuck chuck boom!
xx
Labels: guest blog, pics, random
Monday, July 06, 2009
it's not that i hate my classes, it's not that i hate being in class. it's the whole idea of it that denies me my freedom and acceptance to even want to go back to it all. it really isnt about being lazy either its about doing something i know i really have lost the passion for; a dead end at a frozen trail and all i see is this monochromed lie thats slowly burying me inside.
holidays are meant to be good for you but what happens when you never really recover from it?
my next tattoo is a suicidal fairy straped to a revolver, unladylike and fierce; a piece i fell instantly in love with yet had no proper meaning to. it just stared back at me begging to be imprinted, with words "think happy thoughts" in place of the model of the revolver. it felt so me somehow yet brought no reason or that 100% clarity of being a permanant mark on my body that time around. classes have started and i fear depression setting it; it is right now that it brings a deeper sense of being somehow. i think this week will be a good time to get it done.
i just want to run away from it all, run away from the expectations of others and live my life happy and free. "you and everyone else" i hear the words scream back in my head. but i guess im not as strong as everyone else is now then am i? im not that girl with ambition or drive to make something of herself and like many other people i have become a downcast in the cruel eyes of mankind and the society we have been brought up in.
on the bus my thai friend asked, "why are you called emo girl? i know you so long and you like happy all the time only?" it's true, i've been quite the carefree child over the months of skipping classes and doing things i want but today, right now, in the midst of forcing myself to get ready for class i sit here in front of this lighted screen and finally after months, break down.
Labels: body art, confessions, emo, personal, sad, study, upset, wordy
Sunday, July 05, 2009
okay la. i went to Hat Yai on a random whim. said situation went like this. receive sms at 10pm at night on tuesday. said sms read i'm going to hatyai again tomorrow 10pm. u want to come? wed afternoon i decide okay imma gonna go and sms mum for passport where she very swiftly dodges the entire question with things like no cannot H1N1 and how i will die in the bus. after about 15-20 messages or so she tells me my passport is at home. "=_=
at 8.30 PM pack bags and leave realising i have forgotten my prized bolster, sun screen and contact lens solution. reach bus stop at 9.30 because of pit stops to buy solution thus depleting a quarter of my money. bad move. thought i was going to miss the bus but said previous friend lied to me about having to be there at 9. bus left at 22:22 (yes it was fated)
arrived at uber cheap hotel (approximate4ly 50 bucks for 2 twin size beds, hot water, air conditioning, and lots of channels on the tube) i expected muych dodginess but was pleasently surprised at how clean it was. toilet was clean!! i am very anal about my toilets.
so Hat Yai is one of those cities where on first arrival i was sorely dissapointed (havent been there in years), the weather was way too hot and the city way too messy but over time you just fall in love with the place and the random quirks that point out to you as a reminder you're not exactly in KL anymore.
Yet at the same time it's so much like KL i forget im even away from KL. On day 1 i was pretty much upset to find out that we had to stay an extra day, on the last day i was bummed and didn't exactly want to go home.
well, anyway i need to rush out now so more on Thailand later =) toodles.