Saturday, July 11, 2009

Dated 8 July 09 @ Car Ride to Help

I am unable to speak, no sounds will come out.What dreams caused this silence is of no importance right now but it has indefinitely robbed me of my smile. My heart is still racing despite it being over an hour ago; i feel sick. i want to hurl but once again my heart is thrown blindly into my mouth, making it unable to open up.

I did not have a good night, that is beyond obvious. Noise tha could drive a person crazy infiltrated my ears as i sat up in bed panting from that illusion paintd in my head. i want to scream, no, not a scared kind of scream, more like a confused scream indicating signs of lucid insanity.

I sit motionless, eyes bloodshot; i want myself step over the ledge of a window. No, i did not dream of my death. This, this wasnt even a dream. This was me, myself falling into temptaion of lost paranoia and those high pitched poisonous sounds. I think im losing it.

There is more, i know there is more that i need to say. Yet, staring out at the moving images, i feel like i've already drowned. Am i really even still alive? Strange, all i see is me sprawled unmoving on that cold solid floor.

What did i dream of you wonder. This that have happened, the present and things that might become is all that i can answer. No, it wasnt even anything sad. So why does it hurt me so bad?

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-BabyGinz-