Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Blue Waters

just a little past midnight, back turned to KL's night lights, all around me laughter erupts and 2 bottles of white wine they had ordered in attempt to cheer me up. i took a sip, maybe two. im sorry i wasted the efforts you guys had tried to pull through.

the glimmer of the pool envelopes my mind and i stare into nothingness, my mind a blank empty slate. i want to dive in i thought. i want to dive under, float on my back and let the world pass me by. i sat there for almost 2 hours wondering what if i tried, tried to let myself fall into that crystal like pool. just me and my water of solitude.

i didn't cry today. i felt my tears dry up. ive run out of things to cry about i thought. i am stronger today than i was yesterday.

and then "daddy" gave me a hug. the warmth that hit and the words he said stung me hard. "dont emo kay? you're worth more than that. if there's anything you will always have us. just call and we'll talk" it was at that point i finally let down my guard. my eyes welled up and an intense sadness swept through me. yet looking at those faces around me i stopped. i will not cry in front of them, not now not today was all that went through my head. i let a weak smile escape my lips and fell back into my state of empty oblivion.

i wonder if you really know just how much i feel?

on a side note...

what doesnt kill me will only make me stronger.

Labels: , , , , ,

-BabyGinz-