..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Monday, September 28, 2009
the brother. not mine
nato!
unagi la
aper lagi?
my fav agedashi tofu
and as always my cold soba
mmmmm
saba love
wtf. crystal so skinny!! DAMN U WOMAN
sze. nat
camwho alert
the golden couple.
the girls plus a sesat
the boys
and siapa lagi!
it was good until near the end.
when you used all those excuses with me. it reminded me of bitterness and how i hated the way you would tell me you had no money yet find reasons to go far away or do things that required it.times when i wanted you to stay home with me and you would reluctantly agree to and show how annoyed you were.
we were in that place for a long long time.
you being moody and angry at me all the time. you ignoring me. you doing things for me not out of sincerity but for the heck of it. even showing your moods to my friends who all eventually grew afraid of you. i was afraid of you. and yet, i could never speak out.
"ya ya!! i noticed!! he treat u damnnnn nice in perth!! he never treat u like that in kl!! in kl he's nice but it was never a sincere i love you kind of nice!!"
im amazed at how you would even allow me a to drive out alone at this hour after i told u i hit my car. how i said i didnt want to be in public and you said Mc D.
i am all kinds of hurt right now.
will i be okay tomorrow?
or will i wake up angry and in pain.
i was going to go to class. but i dont feel like it anymore.
all of a sudden, all your missing shirts are appearing in my cupboard. i turn and look at my bed and i see you lying there with that child like grin i had adored. the one i told everyone about when we played truth or dare in Otto's house.
i want to curl up in your arms. smell that familiar smell and cry to my hearts content. hide in my safe zone. in your posession, safe from harm.
you look happy now. more determined with life. dreams i know you will finally make an effort to reach. you lost yourself when you were with me. i never figured out which side of you had been the real you. and i guess that's what destroyed it all.
i remeber the image i watched on the mirror. and at this moment i want to run back in time. run to that memory where everything felt so right.
You flew like an angel to me
Then you fell and broke your wings
It was never meant to last
Your were just a ghost from the past
I thought you really could be real
That my heart was ready to bleed
When I walked through pain and fear
You would certainly disappear
You know that I love you, you know what I need
You know that I found you so tender so sweet
We walked through the darkness, we walked in the sun
We shared all our sorrows, we shared all the love
You said that you loved me, you said that you cared
So how could I know I had something to fear
I don't know where you are, I know that you're hurt
I should have been able to sense your alert
You came like a stranger to me
And you said you were for real
Though I do know where this would end
I was cold and I needed a friend
I turned on the light so you could see
I was stuck in some other dream
Still my eyes were crystal clear
You came closer and shattered my tears
You know that I love you, you know what I need
You know that I found you so tender so sweet
We walked through the darkness, we walked in the sun
We shared all our sorrows, we shared all the love
You said that you loved me, you said that you cared
So how could I know I had something to fear
I don't know where you are, I know that you're hurt
I should have been able to sense your alert
Go, How could you say you wanted to go
When my diamond were starting to grow
When you knew that I wanted you so
You left me alone
You know that I love you, you know what I need
You know that I found you so tender so sweet
We walked through the darkness, we walked in the sun
We shared all our sorrows, we shared all the love
You said that you loved me, you said that you cared
So how could I know I had something to fear
I don't know where you are, I know that you're hurt
I should have been able to sense your alert
- Ghost of the Past,Bang Gang
i miss you. i miss you so much right now.
and i hate myself for how i had hurt you so deep.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
one being the fact that i finally drove after over 2 years of first getting my license. it was your words that probed at it. words that were said ages ago but somehow made me want to try. "when are you going to drive me around! i dont care man. the next time i'm back in kl im going to call and say ginnnnyyyyyyy i want to eat and you will come and fetch me." why those words would have any effect on me is beyond my comprehension but fact of the fact is, i finally drove.
the second being that i have unseemingly decided that i will at least attempt to go for classes and graduate with pretty decent results in order to get to you. admittedly i am still skimping classes but i no longer use lack of transportation as an excuse and have successfully gone for more than 2 days of classes in a week. my lack of attendance in moral studies is starting to prove to be rather perplexing as i think i have been barred but have yet to be told. i am fearful that i will have to go through the whole rubbish course again. this is very disheartening because it takes me one step furthur away from you. that and the fact that my lecturer is homophobic which does not at all amuse me one bit.
the third being that during working hours time passes faster because i am so preoccupied with the words MUST MAKE MORE MONEY TO GO THERE. not that i have that many jobs but so far whatever has come my way had not been as bad as i had anticipated. and my accounts are not dwindling away as quickly as they used to. in fact i have just about enough for a trip there when i feel like it. or so i would like to think.
and the fourth. i have started to read again. a trait i had lost long ago. i am now able to go through about 3-400 pages in a day unlike the previous months where after 10 pages or so i would get distracted by something else. although this may not neccesarilly be a silver lining as it means i will end up spending money on books which i deem are getting more and more expensive by the day. nope. not good. not good at all.
had a list of other things to rattle on about but my eyes are tired. so good day to you too.
Labels: confessions, musings, personal, random, reminders, wordy
Saturday, September 26, 2009
stolen from Firdy. awesome shit.
Birds on the Wires from Jarbas Agnelli on Vimeo.
she is dressed is a soft silky robe, loose and seductive. it falls below her shoulders, threatening to drop entirely but stays in place as if being held by an invisible hand testing the patience of anyone daring enough to imagine it giving way to reveal the soft slender arc of her back and the tiny waist it hides.
i am transfixed in place.
she turns her head slowly with realisation of my arrival. i do not know her.
she looks at me with glowing eyes, a half smile curving upon her perfect pink lips. she turns her body slightly and i note with interest the soft swell of ample breast. she's not wearing a bra. she says nothing. i say nothing.
without realising, i am walking towards her and she turns back to look at the books placed neatly on the shelves surrounding the walls. she lifts an arm and with a long slender finger traces it across the leather bound treasures on the wall.
she is beautiful. stunningly so.
i stand behind her, unsure of how to react. my eyes stare fixated at her exposed neck and i am drawn in. i hear her breathing get harder and in her hand she holds the story of choice. its leatherbound case bares no signs of a title but a velvet red cloth peeks out from one of its pages.
the large book makes her look childlike and i let out a soft chuckle. she ignores me and continues to stand serenely in place.
without thinking i place my arms around her small frame. she smells of milky sweetness, an unidentifiable scent. she lets out a sigh but does not react. i can feel her heartbeat. it beats as hard as mine.
"what am i doing? who the hell is this?" runs through my head.
i close my eyes as the warmth of her body makes me forget. i cannot resist her.
my lips brush against the nape of her neck and a moan escapes her moist glistering lips. i feel a familiar sense of warmth tickle my sex. i reach for the ribbon that holds her robe and with a swift pull watch the rest of it fall gracefully to a pool around her feet.
her back is flawless.
i trace her spine with a finger and watch as she trembles in the cold. still she says nothing. once again i pull her close and place my hand over one of her now exposed breast. there is a sharp intake of air and she finally turns around to face me.
her eyes are a deep shade of brown. almost black but not nearly there. "i want you" she whispers. for a moment i stare back in shock at the whole strangeness of the scene and then she kisses me.
i feel her tongue flicker across my lips and then slowly probe it open. i let her. without warning she places her hands onto my thighs and i shudder as it moves upward hidden under the white dress i wear. she slides it across the edge of my panty and pulls down. i pull away in horror as it falls to the ground. i'm soaked i realise.
i take a step back and she stands there smiling back at me, welcoming me.
*~*~*~*~*
sorry if any of you may somehow have found this offending but yeah whatever. i'll just continue this little story in my head =3
Labels: confessions, cravings, personal, random, wordy
my shisha had been tasteless yesterday. apparently only i felt that way. we concluded it had been the guiness draught i had been asked to down. yes. i do not drink slowly. it makes me sick.
i had fun yesterday.
Black Eyed Peas were amazing and i met the cutest family who danced with me. Cute son, my age adorable smile. I forgot his name. Not like me to forget a persons name when i had spent a good deal of time chatting with. It's okay. We have mutual friends. I'm sure we'll meet again someday.
i finally had more than 4 hours of sleep today. but is it really considered? i woke up at 8 plus 9 with a start and the usual empty feeling of the heart. the exhaustion of the past weeks had been too much and i closed my eyes again surpressing the tears i have been keeping inside over the days in attempt to hold myself up. unknowingly i had fallen asleep and woken up 3 hours later. 7 hours of sleep. well done i tell myself. but i am tired now. tired and lazy. yet disgustingly restless as i have continuously been.
a friend of yours asked about you yesterday. i told him you were ignoring me. ignoring me by not replying my sms-es but he said that's normal for u. is it? i remember you used to reply every message even a random one like me wanting dim sum at 3 in the morning. you even replied when i said i missed you. long time story now huh?
the laugher on your friends face had been much apparent. "amused?" he said yes and i asked if he found it weird that it was me. his answered had been no. it's normal that it was me. but it was because it had been you that it became news to those around. why? why does everyone say the same thing. is there something i'm missing here?? if so, someone please tell me now.
i am tired.
so why do i still dig around for reasons to see you in dec this time around. the tickets are getting more and more expensive and where the hell am i going to stay now.
Labels: confessions, personal, stupidity, wordy
Thursday, September 24, 2009
and then i am hit with a short blow to the mind and pain is then felt in the salty taste of bitter remorse.
i dont know whats going on in my mind. but memories are my biggest enemies this time.
and i miss you now. more than i had anticipated myself to.
today i had my first mini accident.
i went up the touch and go curb and hit something. my door dented inwards and i couldnt open it. but it's fine now. still dented and needs a new paint job. but nothing to serious. it was a funny incident. but thinking about it now. i had been so unfocused i hadnt even realised what had happened until i felt the impact.
you've got me so wrapped up in self delusion i'm loosing focus in everything i do. someone asked why i was so quiet 2 days ago. yesterday someone else said it's weird being around me. i asked why. he answered because i barely say anything and i keep spacing out contrary to how i usually am. and all those times i had been thinking about you.
you you you. its always about you. why? how did my defence crumble so easily. how DID I even let u in just like that? unfathomable. even for me.
my spacing out periods have gotten longer and more frequent. todays accident had been one of those times.
i'm losing myself.
Labels: angry, confessions, personal, stupidity, tragedies, trauma, upset, wordy
over the past month falling asleep has been one of the hardest things to do. the dark silence makes it almost impossible to block out memories of you and every 2-3 days you come haunting in my dreams. i have never been through such an ordeal before. and i dont know how much longer i can hold up lying to everyone and myself that i'm going to be okay when clearly im not.
i have lost over 3 KGS in the past weeks. a feat one would find rather amazing for someone who loves food as much as me. you should know, you adored trying to see how much food i could really take. that night in your arms you had one hand over my stomach and started playing with it. you have no idea how self conscious that made me. i wanted to push your hand away, that is until you said "you fat meh? no what. nice mar like this. too skinny not good." you made me smile but i hid it from u and answered coldly "fatter than last time la" and closed my eyes with a a contented sigh.
but it isnt falling asleep that's the most painful. it's waking up. everytime i feel myself stir the first thing that happens is that annoying clenching of the heart. i have not woken up happy and alive in quite a while.
i still wonder everyday what was those messages you left in my msn while i had been away. if they had really been nothing you would have told me.
i trusted you ....
Labels: confessions, emo, personal, upset, wordy
them boys
in kennys car!
Labels: animals, camwhore, desserts, drinks, family, food, gif, happy, pics, rabbits, work