Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Solemn Tuesday

i have been unbearably quiet over the past 2 days. perhaps its PMS but it feels like im slipping back into that depressive phase again. i do things so sluggishly that today someone i care a great deal for got angry and annoyed at me and my sluggishness. i hate it when people i care about get angry and annoyed at me, even more so when all i want to do is make them happy because they are already in a crap mood.

my inability to do so makes me feel ill at ease. im not suppose to get attached. im not suppose to care. in a way i dont yet i still do. why did the way u talk to me sting so bad today. i almost cried in front of him. he has seen me cry. but it was never about him. today it was.

to add to the whole pathethicness of it all i have discovered that another one of my guinea pigs is on the verge of dying. and will very well be dead by morning. and im sad but im not. im so numb right now. so devoid of emotions. so empty. what the fuck is wrong with me. am i really as mentally retarded as everyone seems to think i am?

i need my boys and babes who are not in the country right now. i need you guys so badly.

anyway. do be a dear and click on THIS LINK. all help is much appreciated. thanks

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-BabyGinz-