Sunday, April 26, 2009

Realisation Hits - He's Gone

it's been almost 12 hours seen i picked up his cold solid body. at that time there was no feeling of remorse or a need to cry; just a quiet sadness that was easily overcomed.

i thought i had finally gotten over the whole pet dying issue considering how many i have had to live through; turns out i was wrong.

11 hours later it all starts again and it hits me like a snowball right in my face and i realise Chillie the teddy is gone. In an instant my mood falls a few notches and that familiar stream of liquid flows down my cheeks. Flashbacks of the time i first held him in my arms and all the moments ive had him next to me came crashing like a ton of boulders after an explosion hits.

the same familiar loneliness begins and despite the music playing all around me i feel like im alone in this neverending silence and guilt starts to eat me up. all the same questions begin and i wonder what if i had paid more attention to him? what if i had noticed he was sick just that few hours earlier.

it sucks when a pet dies because we can never tell if they were really happy being with us. but no matter what it is i know i loved him as a parent would love a child and just watching him play would make me smile.

i miss you baby boy, and im sorry i wasnt next to you when you were almost gone.

Labels: , , , , ,

-BabyGinz-