..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Wednesday, June 29, 2005
but u need me..sad to say..u need me sooo badly..please wake up and realise.. i need u as well.. but there are others...i don't need to stay stuck on you.. especially after u treat me like the way you do..
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Friday, June 24, 2005
don't know what to blog about..but i seem to be the talk of the teachers after the 1st exam T_T.. jeez..it was just 1 screw up.. do i need to be condemmed for the rest of the year?? jesus ... gimme a break already .. it's not like im slacking in my normal school work as well T_T i just tend to be really moody at times and then not care about it.. but that's so normal of me.. this exam was an exemption.. can't they just bloody let it go already... garh
oh well.. at least my cookies and brownies sales are good XD hahahaha ... but making them is a paiiinnnnnn~!!! thanks drea n ian ...u guys sped up my baking time a lot.. highly appreciated although i snap at you guys a lot.. effetcts of my PMS
i know there were sum really funny things happening lately but i just cant seem to recall them ... ughh..my mind is getting moreeee messed up by the minute T_T
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
anyway..the concert thing.. i waited 2-3 hours..but stayed at the concert 4 like 15 mins..lol.. cuz the rest of them kenot tahan jor..nvm lar..at least i hear my fish sing~ wakakaa..even if i was on the way out at that time..and it felt good walking all the way to the front while those at the back stared !! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA... met some indonesian chinese ppl who ask 4 directions..luckily sze ye could speak hokkien n ian knew his way around..me n piao juz dumb dumb there ;p hahahaha .. so we walked them back to their hotel..and walked sze ye to shangri la!! ONL:Y TO DISCOVER her dad was actually at nouvo T_T.. so we ended up yum-cha ing outside atmos..lol..den went home n zzzzz..so tired man.. haha..but i skipped my seminar halfway and didnt go on sunday MWHAHAHAHAHHA
been making a lot of cookies and brownies.. i wonder how chef's and pastry chefs do it everyday..i get moodier and moodier the more i make..so fed up jor... morrow have to make again..haih..but wad to do.. short of cash ..but i got my baby helpers di~! so speed up the process by abt 1 hour..which helps a lot!!
finally watched a lot like love on monday..sweet show..and the kementerian didnt censor 1 part ;p it was quick so i think they missed it..haha..it was when ashton kutcher grabed the girls boobs at his place XD u c..they were abt to have sex as friends AGAIN but she was so drunk she fell asleep in the toilet.. LOL..funny thing..ok..not so funny as sum1 ended up in the hospital..but still funny on the other side..but cant tell her.. not good..
yesterday...bake cookies at night..after school come home sleep..so didnt get to on9..but here i am now ;p and i skipped school halfway again today...lol.. i wonder when i'll stop doing that
Sunday, June 19, 2005
on top of that.. he still takes me for granted..no..we're not together.. haha.. but i've let go.. he doesn't want to let go..so i'll let him continue.. continue pursuing me... but he's failing so badly.. because.. he's already taken for granted that he's got me ... and he doesn't want to try ... because he supposedly already has me.. *smirk* how wrong is he
Saturday, June 18, 2005
It's better to lose your pride with someone
you love rather than lose that someone you
love with your useless pride.
When you lovesomeone, don't expect that person to love you
back the same amount.
One of you will be ahead,the other behind.
It's either you catch up or the other waits.
When you love, you must not accept
anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but
Investing.
If you love, you must prepare to accept
pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving
but using.
True love hears what is not spoken,and
understands what is not explained, for
love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind,but in
the heart...
Friday, June 17, 2005
ON the birghter side of things.. i made 200+ bucks in 1 day... huhuhuhu...and im going to the concert tomorrow....
BUT IM STILL FREAKING PISSED AND MOODY !!!
Thursday, June 16, 2005
missed yesterday's blog...and i can't really remember what happened yesterday either.. but i shallll throughly pulvarise zahid..boons n tzu ken when i have the time and energy...those 2 nit wits ganged up on me yesterday to make me fall flat on my face!! luckily they failed.. mwahahhahaha ....
honestly..nothing much to blog about..my life is pretty boring ;p especially during school..lol
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
wasted a lot of money today...lol.. im soo flat broke mann..i don't know how im gonna get through the rest of the year like that..i've never been so broke in my life T_T ....i wanted to die in mid valley..i was so tired..and for some weird reason..my body's aching all over the place!! dammit.. i'm so young and i have the body of an old woman T_T
i want the gorillaz latest cd!! garh.. but im toooo freaking broke to get it!!! and i still need to figure out a way to raise money for my japan trip..or i shall be broke in Japan as well..which is realllyyy sad...i don't really have much to blog about actually.. just blog for the sake of blogging ... uhuhuhuhu
Monday, June 13, 2005
nothing much to blog about ler...i blog already wan earlier..n stupid blogger got problem..so my post lost..i 4got what i blogged about di ;p huhuhuhu
Sunday, June 12, 2005
once again..i was used and taken for granted...being an object of his desires...not love but desires... only taken when needed..when nobody else is around...an object to remove loneliness... not worth sacrificing for or worth loving...
i was warned...many times by all those around me.. he isn't worth it..look at the way he treats you..u deserve better.. just let him go... i ignored those advice.. i ignored my brain and followed my heart... to forever believe in hope that 1 day he might really change and his love for me might become real and genuine... but how much can a girl like me really take? how much can hope really stay with me?
i could have let go...honestly i could have... right now i could b with someone else ... or at least trying to get the attention of someone else... be free... free and rid of him ...rid of my pains and sufferings ...the feeling of loneliness...the feeling of feeling like trash all the time..feeling so worthless...losing my self esteem more and more each day... but he had to come back... he had to sweep me off my feet again... continuously... with words and actions... stupid little things that melt my heart and make me believe in *US* ... only to be cheated and lied to again....
when will my sufferings end?...... i can't take it..i can't.....i don't want to be in a relationship where it's only 1 sided love... but i don't want to be friends when we are both in love... so what is it really? 1 sided or real love? ...there's only 2 choices i'm willing to take... to be strangers and never speak of each other again or to each other.. or to be together...but...having actual love involved ... i can't keep living in between.. i can't....
Saturday, June 11, 2005
just came back not long ago from..erm..sorta dinner wid ian n family ^_^.. hahaha.. we talk a lot of rubbish man..me ian n drea ...long time didnt laugh so much by just talking~! ;p im happy.. are u happy..sigh..school's gonna start liao..just when im starting to enjoy mah hols!!! XS ... morrow whole day shall be spent doing maths..how sad is that
i can't really remember much of what happened.. but i got mah kitty pics ;p hahahaa.. but andrea has dissapeared????!!?!?! grrroooowwll....whos gonna send me mah pics
Thursday, June 09, 2005
You are the Spirit of Love. You think around
romance and are extremely compassionate.
Whenever you want something you can get it due
to your fiery passion. You can make friends
quite easily, because peopole are attracted to
your obvious good nature. You will have no
trouble in finding a life partner and will be
very happy.
Which stunning spirit of emotion are you? NEW AND IMPROVED! (amazingly beautiful anime pics!)
<
You are a Slow Dancer. You are the romantic girl
between your friends, you have beautiful sweet
little dreams about the future, you love your
friends and ready to do any thing for them.
Your ideal man is the charming prince who is
ready to give up everything just for you, and
always show you how much he loves you.
What kind of dancers are you? (Girls only)
They are curvey, powerful, graceful, and they can
go for hours, but oh boy - are you gonna hurt
in the morning. Your throat will be a little
horse too ... or rather, it will be full of
them..
Like games or roleplay? Here's a great one that
has nothing to do with beastiality:
www.life-blood.vze.com
What animal would you have sex with (If you had to)?
ironic isnt it..lol..im a horse
after that went to sungei wang to take purikura~~ damn wasted!! out of 4 pics!! 3 pics my eyes closed liao!!! wuwuwuwuwu .... but it was cheap.. for such clear sticker pic..1st time!! usually its like 24 bucks..but this machine onli 16! thats a lot cheaper..and itss really reaaallly clearrrrr >=@ but it lags..and not much decorations..but the deco.. very nice er... i like lar..like can draw over..as background..den transparent transparent dei so when go over the ppl oso looks nice
after that i went tarot card..the lady.. was really accurate T_T.. it kinda scared me .... when i have money i will go there again!! heheheee... but..it's not really good always going to know about all these..haha..makes u think and stuff.. but really..she's reaally reaaalllyy good XD
oh..i discovered..when i have 2 of this face >.< ... the words in between them..dissapears.. so now i have to find replacement faces.. sighhhhh ..but i love that face~~ garhhh
went to MV yesterday but dint get to watch a lot like love...sighhh....went too late so had tooooo many ppl di.. kesian kesian..i bought something really kinky thiough ;p mwheeheheee..i bought this furry cat ears thingie..originally i wanted the bunny ears that su ann has but i look better in the cat ears...lol..my kai kor says i look like those lap dancers at the bar when i put it on ;p i shall wear my black bikini n heels n wear it n take a pic n post it here 1 day ;p mwahahahhaaaa.... cuteeeeenessssss >.< perasan dou...
well..im waiting for a cab atm... going to KLCC wid viv ^-^v... ciaoooo ppl... im hungry... gonna look 4 a snack 1st
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
but im soo happy happy happy... happier than ive been in more den 2 months actually~!! i cant stop smiling~!!! teeehheeeeheeeeeeeeeeeee...
its quite good..honestly.. gosh i love the part when all the old couples talk so lovingly abt how they met.. >.< make me jealous only
btw..this show is a PERFECT EXAMPLE of how GUYS AND GIRLS CANNOT BE BEST FRIENDS!!! MWHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAA.. take that people who do not believe in that!!
Monday, June 06, 2005
my friend just ask me..what make me love ian so much...lol...im not sure and i wish i could answer.. but being with him just brightens my day and seeing him smile *provided im not really pissed off at him* make me smile as well.. he seems to be the only guy that can make me laugh and smile but just looking at me with his adorable sheepish look he seems to always have >.< mischevious like he's thinking of something eechi(notti notti) ;p lol.. which is quite often ..haha..i love the way he holds me..and lies on my lap while i clean his ears...lol..and his drool gets all over...i love the way he fights over my cup noodles wid me..and looks at me while i eat with that *i dont want to eat....well..yes actually i do.. gimme gimme* haha..and gobbles up like most of my food...i love watching him sleep..look so innocent..n vulnerable to the world...
i love fighting with him..and winning most of the time..mwhehehehe...pulling his pants down in front of everybody when he least expects...sucking up to him and act all manja...i love his kisses his hugs...everything...the way he gets all whiny when i refuse to do something for him and the way he acts all manja with me..i love the way he sits in the cab and falls asleep on me...the way he begs me to do stuff for him...i love watching his face light up when he's happy....well...i'd have to love him to love all those thigns right ;p lol.. so i dunno..i can't really answer that question.. sigh....
u know how i said i was letting go and stuff..and honestly i am... but i cant help missing him..and part of him just keeps wishing he would come back somehow.. and soon.... it's really weird without him... listening to his voice everynight before i sleep... cuddling up with him and watching a dvd or just to talk...talking about random rubbish with him...hearing him tell me he loves me....do fairytales really exist? or is it just part of my imagination...hahaha...i really should get rid of that hope that he'll come back soon...it's just hurting me more and more.. but yet.. it gives me a sense of security as well..i just can't explain it... sigh.... love...
Theres a pair of couple who celebrated their 80th anniversary recently. Wow. 80 years.! Both of them had lived for more than a century. They got married at a very young age and they lasted.!!! They are now holding the world's record. Awww. Its so sweet. They still love each other and together until this very moment.
They said if you wanna last long with your loves one, trust and honesty are something very important. No lies. Never lie to cover up something. Even though you made mistakes, just tell him or her honestly if you love him or her. You would not want to lie to your loved one i guess. Hehe. Always trust him or her if you love him or her. ;) They did mentioned that arguements are common in a relationship. Its totally common. However, problems must be solved within the same day. Never leave them overnight. ;) Or not, the problem might be worse as time goes on. Take that as an advice if you wanna last long with your loves one.
Sunday, June 05, 2005
i feel really tired and sleepy..lol..but i know i cant sleep..just like the past 1-2 weeks... imsonia! how sad..i'll just lie in bed stare at the ceiling and think think think..den roll about ... sigh..even when i do fall asleep i wake up a few times after that... this better end b4 school start or i'll b soooo dead again!! haihhh.. have to catch up on my school stuff liao.. been slacking like hell.. even my maths i dunno how to do.. this is nooott good
just now went all the way to serdang 4 dinner by default.. damn rural man that area..super kampung to the max..then the roads!! fuyoh~!! scary!! but the food was quite tasty..but wait like hell!!! like 40 mins man!!! damn hungry.... hahaha..i just noticed how tomboyish i sound all of a sudden.. must b dued to stress and frustration @_@ i need to vent my frustration out on something..i wonder if blogger's gonna eat my post again @_@ ...aicks aicks
i wanna watch house of waaaxxx ..who wanna watch wid meeeeeee
edit : change my mind.. dont wanna watch liao... jon says it involves a lot of chopping and blood T_T...
You need love.
You are a pretty normal, well-rounded person
that just craves that fairy tale love where you
will be swept off your feet and live happily
ever after. Chances are that you fantasize or
dream about it so much that you either see all
the guys/girls as unromantic or you tell
yourself that anyone could be your soulmate.
You long to have someone by your side and you
want to give back on the romance part too, not
just give.
What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
i have a sudden facination with bread makers..i'm thinking of getting one n making my own bread... lol.. i know..im weird...it all started with me in my uncle's kitchen looking for food..and i smelt something heavenly~~!! it was breaddddd baking in the bread maker >.< yes.. i was captivated by its smell... sad... i know.. but heck ;p
nothing much to blog about.. my life's pretty boring really..
Saturday, June 04, 2005
haha..anybody here noe the music stopping when comments open thing and my mouseover image??
Friday, June 03, 2005
....i feel a hatred....a hatred towards him....... has it really come to this?
edit : u noe...today..i nearly lost 2 very important things to me... my mooks jacket..n my christmas necklace...the butterflies locket...but i noticed they were missing...in time..thank god..and found them...or they would b gone forever.....
2nd!! my profile..suddenly big suddenly small!! but i check the script im pretty sure nothings wrong with it!!
and 3rd!! it takes forever to load my song..and when it DOES load..sometimes theres doublee!! sometimes!! and whats more!! once u open the comments box!! the song stopsss!! GARRHHHHH!!!! sommeebooddy!! help me!!
haha...the randomeness...taken quite recently actually..this week.. i miss him
anyway!! i had a realllyy really long post just now!! BUT BLOGGER hanged on me!! and my posttt iss gonnneee!! and i have to make myself scarce now cuz i hear thunder..lol.. i already lost 3 modems in 2 months.. and even a network card!! i'm not risking it again!! >.< ciaooozzzzz.. will blog later.. muackies
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I don't especially need to see you
Besides, there are lots of things I gotta do
I really don't need to talk to you everyday
It's a hassle to pile up my phone bills
There's no such thing as unchanging love
Besides, you become stronger when you're uneasy
I won't tell anyone about the two of us
I'm not a child
There's no road leading to forever
If there was, it would suit me fine to choose another
It's a laughable story
Even if I get hurt I'm back for more
I just might be addicted to you
Just because I can't see you, it's no reason to die
We both know each other's situation
But that's so frustrating
I want to see you everyday
What can I do about these feelings?
I want to be an adult right now
But I can't just become so suddenly, oh baby
I just might be addicted to you
There's no reason to want each other
We need to keep everything in order
Turning on the answering machine in the middle of the night
Hearing your message, I want to call you once more
I'm in love with you, I know you want me too
I guess I don't say it because I can't
A sad story
Everytime I doubt you, I love you more
I just might be addicted to you
Everyone around us has similar excuses
I think it's that they need a reason
But that's so frustrating
I want to see you everyday
Can I tell you these feelings?
More than kisses, I want you to hold me
And don't suddenly let go, oh baby
I just might be addicted to you
My longing for you on days we can't meet
My love for you when I'm by your side
Both become equally part of my habits
More than kisses, I want you to hold me
And don't suddenly let go, oh baby
But that's so frustrating
I want to see you everyday
What can I do about these feelings?
I want to be an adult right now
But I can't just become so suddenly, oh baby
I just might be addicted to you
More than kisses, I want you to hold me
And don't suddenly let go, oh baby
I think I'm addicted to you
But it shouldn't be as easy as saying
"Even though I slipped up...
"Hold on, I'm sure if you just understood me a bit more
A better rain would fall
"Selfish."
That's what I was called
It's alright to feel lonely sometimes
Riding in the solution we put out together
We'll pass by all the cloudy skies
Though the tires that won't spin line up before our eyes
I wonder who's hypocrite who won't step on the accelerator
Oh baby wait and see
Sometimes, even pain is good
It's because there's risk
That faith has meaning
It's impossible not to get lost
Oh baby wait and see
Even though waiting isn't my specialty
It's too soon to start your scolding
Don't believe in things like fortune-telling
Turning to love, there's a shortage on the left side
That'w why I need you
Do you intend to protect
Yourself with your cold attitude?
Give me the power to endure what I cannot change
And also to change what I cannot endure
Oh baby wait and see
Even though it's no fun to hurt
It's because there's risk
That we become strong enough to fight
It's impossible not to be afraid
Oh baby can't you see
Even though waiting isn't my specialty
It's too soon to start your scolding
Don't believe in things like fortune-telling
So baby wait and see
There's no wound that can't be soothed
I wonder if it's because there's risk
That we hurt the more we love
There's nothing wrong with that
I wonder if it will be easier
If I were to run somewhere far away
There's no way it should be
Because no matter where I am, I'm still me
If the key is too high, you can drop it
Because the song has strength that won't change
There's only one point where suffering can pass through
Like a bracelet that's too big, it slips right away
Don't believe until you see all there is to see...
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Did I hear you right?
Cause I thought you said
Let's think it over
You have been my life
And I never planned
Growing old without you
Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears'cause your only almost here
I would change the world
If I had a chance
Oh won't you let me
Treat me like a child
Throw your arms around me
Oh please protect me
Bruise and battered by your words
Days are shattered, how it hurts
Oh, haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears'cause your only almost here
Bruise and battered by your words
Days are shattered, now it hurts
Haven't I always loved you?
But when I need you
You're almost here
Well I never knew how far behind I'd left you
And when I hold you
You're almost here
Well I'm sorry that I took our love for granted
And now I'm with you
I'm close to tears
Cause I know I'm almost here
Only almost here
(hey baby...don't know if u ever noticed the lyrics to this song before...but LOL)
he told me something funny...about why he didnt want me back...something about teaching himself a lesson..kinda selfish isn't it? to drag me into it as well? it's not like i havent already been through THAT LESSON...so why drag me into it as well?he loves me..i love him.. isn't that enough...as long as we're both still in love....why? why choose to go through that lesson? the lesson that may make thinks unrepairable... when it's still possible now? why? i don't get it. i really don't...
day by day i watch him...he's changing...he's becoming more aggressive...his temper inscreasing ... the other side of him ...just keeps getting stronger... it scares me... and it pains me to watch him..i want to be by his side...i want to heal it...but....i can't? so why don't i just leave it and get on with life? is this a lesson god's sent as well? for all the sins i've commited? or is it something he wants to teach us to help us if we get through it?
i'm not strong...how much longer can i hold it? i honestly don't know... but im trying baby..i really am... even after a month... i'm still right here waiting...even if i know the chances are small... but i'm still here.... waiting for the promise of forever...
hahaha..and all the readers.. lame and pathetic and sad i know.... this poor love sick lil girl..who most probabably is onli going throught puppy love but taking it so hard...but i honestly....really love him..so enough already ok... i may be young..confused and immature... but i know i love him..and i know he loves me..and that's enough..even if it may not be the real thing.. but as long as i believe in it.. then it is...