Wednesday, June 01, 2005

loneliness

that sad..lonely feeling keeps coming back to haunt me..i want to let go..i know i can but yet..i just choose to keep coming back? why? because i know he still loves me...and i love him too...

he told me something funny...about why he didnt want me back...something about teaching himself a lesson..kinda selfish isn't it? to drag me into it as well? it's not like i havent already been through THAT LESSON...so why drag me into it as well?he loves me..i love him.. isn't that enough...as long as we're both still in love....why? why choose to go through that lesson? the lesson that may make thinks unrepairable... when it's still possible now? why? i don't get it. i really don't...

day by day i watch him...he's changing...he's becoming more aggressive...his temper inscreasing ... the other side of him ...just keeps getting stronger... it scares me... and it pains me to watch him..i want to be by his side...i want to heal it...but....i can't? so why don't i just leave it and get on with life? is this a lesson god's sent as well? for all the sins i've commited? or is it something he wants to teach us to help us if we get through it?

i'm not strong...how much longer can i hold it? i honestly don't know... but im trying baby..i really am... even after a month... i'm still right here waiting...even if i know the chances are small... but i'm still here.... waiting for the promise of forever...

hahaha..and all the readers.. lame and pathetic and sad i know.... this poor love sick lil girl..who most probabably is onli going throught puppy love but taking it so hard...but i honestly....really love him..so enough already ok... i may be young..confused and immature... but i know i love him..and i know he loves me..and that's enough..even if it may not be the real thing.. but as long as i believe in it.. then it is...

-BabyGinz-