..Click Click Click..
So i finally got around to sorta finishing my layout. still a bit buggy here and there but im not free now la! later la ;p
Oh and if my layout is wonky on your browser its probabaly because your browsers old "=_= go update it.
..The Princess..
I am the very sin of life itself, living in a world and civilization i deem unworthy of the many now ruined perfection it was blessed with. The social
anti-social i be but thats another part of me you will
eventually see or hope to see.
I suffer from a bipolar disorder and can feel extreme happiness and sadness in the most disturbing of manner. Manic depressive some often call me or "emo
girl" for short.
But who am i really?
That girl on the street you thought was hot or perhaps that girl you laughed at the day before.
What you see is your perception of me but what you know is something that even i find much a mystery.
Yes that is me in the picture and yes that is a pink cigarette i'm holding but no i'm not a smoker. But believe what you may for doubts will inevitably
be existant.
..She Supports..
..Talk..
..Credits..
I'm Ginny; girly, emotional, rough and fundamentally retarded. Oh, mustn't forget extremely lazy and amazing at procrastination as well and err...well, clumsy (don't ask). The surname's Yap and no my full name isn't really necessary in introductions. Arrogant, stubborn and well, what more might you ask?
IM AWESOME. Nuff said.
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Friday, April 29, 2005
today...not much work!! xD but dammit..i ddint know bm was the 1st lesson so i onli memorised my lisan this morning and i got all b!! wargghhH!! but im gonna redo on monday ^-^ hehee
sej..we went to watch khek mong play... =/ poor guy lost er....can c he played quite badly..miss a lot..oh well..he won doubles i think.. 4got di...well not 4got..ppl tell me wan..so not sure
i dont know/..today was a pretty weird n complicated day..from 1 event to another..like 1 minute its happy..1 minute its sad..then happy then sad then happy?? stonnneedd.. no idea wads up with that... but my life tends to get more complicated lately
u muz all b wondering.. WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT??!?!?! to be honest..im wondering just that as well.. oh well..im off to bathe...ian n lp's bday...didnt get her pressie..waiting 4 my hamsters to get pregnant.. kakakakaka
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Thursday, April 21, 2005
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Indeed, distance does make hearts flounder. The poor boyfriend surely explained, "What went wrong? I sent her letters, chocolates, and flowers." When relationships go wrong, the list of things given and done for the person usually crops up. We say, "I have given you this and that... I have done these things for you." It seems that love is simply proven by the bestowal of gifts and favors. But while presents are important, love demands what is basic: 'presence of the beloved'. I have observed for instance, the orchids of my mother's. When she's away for a long time, they are unhealthy and many of them wither. But when she is around, they bloom with beautiful flowers. My mother does nothing exceptional. She just spends much time talking and caressing them. I guess persons all the more require a caring presence.
Love is fundamentally a commitment to a person. We may be committed to our business, job, hobby, sports and clubs. But strictly speaking, they cannot love us back. Only a person can love us in return, and for that matter, the highest commitment as human beings, is spending time with those persons we love. And since people need affection and nourishment, material things can only help up to a certain degree in fostering love. But it can never replace the greatest gift of presence because everyone needs someone - be it friends, parents, siblings or simply that 'special' one. Being there for someone need not necessary mean having to say alot. Words are sometimes redundant. Remember that 'presence' (to be there for someone) is more than enough. "What Is Most Valuable Is Not What You Have In Your Life, But Who You Have In Your Life" In our pursuits, let's not neglect spending quality time with the most important person/people of our lives.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
it's sooo stuppiiiddd~~!!! there's a scrabble comp in school but i didnt know about it!! *whines* i wanted to join!!! so unfairrrr!! my friends are evil !! hmph~!! (''¬_¬) and im still itching like mad... ughh~!!! i hate dog mites!! stupid stupid!!! and my poor doggies..all their skin coming off and hair..chippy's tail...skinless liao.,.can c all the meat n blood!! so kesian!! me also now..all the bintik merah everywhere...kesian like shit!!
ANDDDDD!!!! I DID IT I DID IT!! i succesfully played cupid!!! the 2 love birds i put together are together now!! hehehe..less then a week man!! i am good.. mwahahahhaahhahhaha!!! bow before me simple minded ppl!! nyek nyek nyek~!!
(10.56pm edit : complications has arised...love birds not together yet....dued to sum halangans.... >.< will update more)
Monday, April 11, 2005
i mean?? is this the ginny we all know?? i used to cry whenever i shouted at him i would start crying...he looks at me wid those sad adorable eyes of his and i melt and have a break down... now?? because of his hair?? he looks....just not mine anymore...it's like a slap across my face telling me...ian isn't really yours...
i mean who on earth looks at her bf and feels like slapping him just because of a bad haircut?? that has to mean something?? and he can't ACTUALLY say that looks is a factor to me..cuz?? i doubt it?? i mean...my ex...he's cute yet??? i dunno..everybody used to say i was blind... i sound like a downright bitch now..lol... well thats not the point..and ian??
well somethings ppl just wont be able to understand...when u look at a person and u feel lost...like he isnt him anymore....then...everything just dissapears! just like that..u can tell a person's cahnged..jsut by his or her appearance...and maybe..it is a factor... cuz now..thanks to his hideous hair.. my baby ian is no longer my baby ian~!!
geee..i wonder what im crapping about...and this may just bring me closer to letting go...how weird is that?? i guess i've changed as well...
Saturday, April 09, 2005
well anyyywayysss...i've skipped school for a total of 2 weeks...and nearly all the teacher's arent speaking to me now... lol... haih...monday go school..lots of work to catch up on...exam next month... WOOHOO..n i dont know like 2 chapters from each subject?? well..maybe not so gan yu lar.. but..nearly ;P hahahaaaa
today it was kiwanis youth gathering..IT WAS SOOOOOO SADDDDDD....so many ppl didnt come but i still had fun anyway!~ heeeheeee....yerh..i sound so cacat..dunno wads up with me lately....the games were entertaining ...hahahaa..kept laughing...n i dunno.. just had fun..ALTHOUGH i had to wake up at 5.30 in the morning...omg.....i cant believe i did that...reeally tired now..wanna sleep but i cant....!! waiting for my bro to go dinner.. BEEP...sarky person
yesterday..i FINALLLLY FINNNAALLYY watched Hitch!! quite nice! entertaining...hahah...dont think anything particularly interesting happened i guess?? can't really remember... T_T
yes..i have developed an extremly severe case of short term memory...i know im ditzy n blur... but i seem to be getting worst...hahaha...comes with the lazyness i guesss
OHHH YEAAHHHH!! today!! UTTER HUMILIATION!! okay..not so bad..but still damn embarassing!! Hannah was suppose to sing welcome to my life by simple plan alone... right..so then it's time for her performance.. and THE SEETTTEWWPPIIDD MC said that president n president of lower sec..will b presenting welcome to my life..and said my name..at first i didnt notice..although ian was like..eh..she call u..i tot he was joking so i ignored..until i heard them screaming at me GINNY!! ..n i stoned.... i didn't know like 2/3 the lyrics of that song!!! and i was not aware i was suppose to sing it wid hannah..and hannah didnt know that either!! so i simply mumbled stuff out..and i think ppl could c...hhahahaa...and then 1 entire part..i just shut up coz i didnt know at all..n just stood there n laughed and smiled..!! HOW SAD!! T_T..... i have never been so ... BEEP in my life...oh well...haha..wasnt that bad ler..i didnt c anybody laughing...besides Ian....T_T... AS USUAL..........
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
(just a note..im not referring to anybody inparticular when u say u..just...a term??)
and ppl say age is a factor...and in college u will find better ppl bcuz they r generally wiser..how is that true?? as we grow older we lose our childlike simplyness and our innocence...we lose the abilty to forgive and forget..to love unconditionally...for example..a child...would never do things like hurt another intentionally and things like that...they do it out of the influence of others... as we grow older..our minds..lose it..we become emotional... and bad things go into our minds......how is it that we become wiser? if we became wiser? the earth wouldnt b in so much turmoil now...there would be no such things as racisicm...wars...descrimination...murders..suicides...
i dont know what im talking about..im just really confused right now...
Monday, April 04, 2005
newaayyyssss...haha..i accidentally gave ian a week's exemption T_T..i tot it was just for the day until i went into his class n checked the paper...and noticed...eh..y the date so long wan T_T...den onli i realised.... BEEPP
nothing interesting happened ler... well sunday went back seremban..cheng meng.. after that came home..went leisure mall wid ian n watched miss congeniality 2..haha...quite entertaining oso ler... i guess...haih... my life getting so sien..nothing to blog about.. actually..have a lot of blog about bali..but im just to lazy atm.. WhaHAhHAHAHAHHA..
Saturday, April 02, 2005
at my trip to bali...we went to c balinese wood carvings..a specialty there..we went into a gallery...and 3 things caught my eyes instantly... i huggee life sized komodo dragon...whiiicchhh... my dad was actually thinking of buying...*unfortunately..it couldnt b put outside..so he didnt..cuz no place..but i reaaaalllyy wanted ittt...itss huggeee..bigger den me..and it looked sooo reaaaaall*
no 2... a life sized monkey... whichh wasss sooooo adorabllleeee..but my dad would never get that T_T..he wanted the komodo dragon as well because it looked so real and he wanted to put it at the mian gate to scare ppl T_T.......................and also i kept stroking it and refused to bugged...lol... but he tot it was beautiful =D..my dad..thinking something i like was beautiful...amazing...
AND FINAAALLY..the thing im pissed about... 4 monkeys..hanging on each others tails.. each..slightly smaller den my fist...dangling on a branch......*love at 1st sight...* at that time..it reminded me so much of ian...and i could resist..and attack..monkeys in hand...bound off to my mother..where she glanced..and told me to ask my dad... runs to ddaaaaaddyy dearest..tells me later..he goes wandering......monkeys still in hand..walk sadly back to its branch..and places it back... follows the rest around...casually hinting about monkeys to dddaaaadyyy-kins ;P he den c's a buddha head that gets his attention..but very expensive...he talks all sort of shit to the boss..and says..if the buddha likes me..i will have it..if it doesnt..then..too bad..nvm... and tries bargaining and bargaining..and i notice.if he buys my monkeys...he gets his buddha head the price he wants as well.... so i attack~!! telling him that i really want the monkey... *on cue... manja daughter look and whinyness* and how he will get the buddha cheaper... in the end..he said..where...and i brought him to my precious monkeys on its branch...he saw the price..n went into a stunned silence..and said NOOOOOOOOOO!!! den i look at him..and start whining again... and he finally looked at the boss and said..berapa ni?? untuk budak ni...mafan betul... and the guy gave discount >.< and daadddy dearestt paiidd 4 it~!!! it took like an hour for me to get them monkeyys~!!!
so now on to my pissedd of mood atm... i told my mother not to simply touch my stuff...and she..being MY IRRITATING INCONSIDERATE MOTHER wanted to display the monkeys for herself as part of the houseee decor.. without my knowledge..she then decides to place it on the glass sheft facing the second landing's stairs....me...not noticing anything..minding my own business reading blogs and chatting..then hears a LOOUUUDD CRASHING sound...swivels head to the left..and screammss at the sight of my monkeys scattered on the floor.... and lil bits and pieces of wood all over........................................................................................................................
Guys drink to forget about the girl...
Girls drink to think back about the guy...
When guys are in love, they become poor.
When girls are in love, they become pretty..
Guys can forget, but cannot forgive...
Girls can forgive, but cannot forget..
Guys care the most about the quantity of love...
Girls care the most about the quality of love..
Guys break-up when they feel love from another girl...
Girls break-up when they feel the feeling of separation from her man...
Guys feel curiosity towards all girls...
Girls feel curiosity towards guys who are interested in her..
When guys are heartbroken, they try to forget about the girl by going out with another girl...
When girls are heartbroken, they try to find his characteristics from another guy...
Guys wish to be her first love....
Girls wish to be his last love...
It was first day of the mid-year exams, therefore i finished school a little earlier, i called him,
:Hey, i finished school earlier today, would you come by and pick me up?
:Alright, give me 5 minutes.
:5 minutes? But my school is just beside your house.
:I need to get ready.
:Alright, make it fast then.
2pm in the afternoon, the sun is extremely hot, I stood under a shaded tree and fan myself. Although it doesn't make much of a difference, it was better that I fanned. 5 minutes have passed, he's still not shown up, I was a lil' unhappy while looking at my watch. 10 minutes and he's still not here....couldn't be that he was met with an accident? 15 minutes passed, he finally shown up.
:Why are you so late? He wasn't even a lil' bothered
: Nahz, was watching TV.
:What?! TV?! Why don't you sleep, bathe and eat before you come down then? I haven't got anything else to say for that, didn't take the helmet he handed me but stood there and stared at him.
:Sorry. This was the first time he said sorry to me... He is an egoistical person all along and has never once apologised to a girl. I looked at him, Alright, took the helmet and let him sent me home. He is always acting like this, no explanations, no friction, no quarrels. The only thing he does is to apologise. To me, somethings can't be settled with a sorry. I would never go on asking after everytime he apologises. He told me, that was the first time he said sorry to a girl. Although it take courage to admit mistakes, he never once correct his mistakes. Saying sorry became a word to shut me up instead. Tears flowed down my cheek on the 59th time he apologised. I dropped my head
: you don't ever need to say sorry to me again. If you can never change, th en don't let me keep giving you chances again and again hoping and believing that you would change each time. He held me lightly, and said the 60th sorry. Even then, he did not change, and there was no explanation whatsoever. I began to worry if there was something he was keeping from me.
:What's wrong with you these few days?
:Nothing. :Then why are you acting so strange?
:I am not.
:What can you say other than this answer?
:Do you know I'm very worried, very insecure, do you treat me as your girlfriend?
:I'm sorry...
:I don't want to hear you say sorry again. I put down the phone and he did not call back. He doesn't even care about me. Maybe we should....break up. .....this was the 99th time he said sorry... From that day onwards, I never once called me or went to look for him. Sometimes I get an anonymous phonecall but everytime I said hello, it was dead, i think it's a call from him, but why don't he speak up? After one month have passed, I couldn't contain the feelings I still have for him anymore and went to his school to find him. I went outside his classroom and looked around, but there was no sign of him.
:excuse me, is XOXO here today?
:I'm afraid he already stopped schooling.
:Huh? Why? When was that?
:He hasn't been in school for a month already.
:Oh erms...thanks. One month....not in school for one month...why is that so? I stumbled home. Called his hp
: Sorry the caller is currently unavailable, please leave your message after the tone.... I put down the phone, and called his house next, but there was no answer. How can it be? The whole family migrated? It seems as though he has already disappeared from the face on the earth leaving not even a single trace. I couldn't find him....just as I was feeling distraughted, the phone suddenly sounded, it was my friend. He was one of his brothers and also my good friend.
:Hey, what have you been doing? XOXO is in hospital. :REALLY? WHAT HAPPENED?
:Oh he is in ZZ hospital, the one you stayed in last time.
:I'll be right there. I used the fastest speed my legs could carry and when I reached the hospital I saw that his parents were already there. I asked them for the room number and flew across the hall. He was lying on bed, looking at me, not saying a word, not moving a muscle,
:Hey, what happened to you? Why didn't you contact me? He did not answer, and used the same stare on me again.
:Come on answer me...why don't you speak? A tear flowed down the side of his eye, and it looked as though he used the greatest amount of strength that he could master to say...
:I'm...sorry... After that, his eyes went shut.
:Hey, don't fool around alright...why say sorry to me?
:Don't say sorry to me....please wake up....answer me please. I wept and fell down on the side of his bed, pulling his shirt I cried out..
:Why do you have to apologise? Why don't you give me an explanation instead?
:I won't forgive you, wake up, saying sorry is no use...
:If you don't wake up I'll never ever forgive you in this lifetime, please I beg of you..open your eyes..... That was the 100th sorry A group of medical staff, doctors, nurses pulled me away and tried to revive him. I had no strength to stand up... My mind was a blank.... my eyes could only see a sea of black. He did not leave this world...I merely lost the chance to touch him anymore. But he would appear in my dreams sometimes, telling me how he was doing. He's still accompaning me, still alive, in my heart. would still laugh at my silliness, and call me his darling....just that...he never apologise to me anymore. After a month, his mom came to look for me, and gave me a box...inside was a 100 photographs, everyone had a story behind them..the reasons why he made me angry.
The first time, my dear, I did not purposely arrive late to pick you up. I know this excuse is really lame, but I didn't have the heart to tell you the truth then, before I stepped out of the house, I felt a pain in my chest, but I still made it a point to meet you, please forgive me?
The second time, my dear, I...
The third time, my dear, I...
The 100th time, my dear, I didn't mean to leave you alone in this world, It had to be so because God did not give me the chance to say I Love You for this lifetime of mine, and to put the ring on your finger.... You are the first girl I apologised to. And also the first girl I want to be with for the rest of my life... Forgive me for not able to bring you happiness but I have thus become your angel, always looking out for you... Looking at you while you find your happiness...promise me...don't shed a tear... I don't want to see you weep like this for me, I Love You ~XOXO
How can I not cry? What you said was just too impossible. The last photograph was of him in the hospital, Although he was skinny, the smile on his face was bright as ever. His face was white and yet he tried his best to give his last smile on the last photo, the 100th. At the time when he needed me the most, I wasn't with him.
:I'm sorry. I held the photo tightly and cried for us.....