Thursday, November 30, 2006

lol.. once again my blog seems to attract nameless faceless ppl who seem to have interest in my life but are too afraid to let me know who they are to have such a keen interest in oh so *lovely* life ;p

-BabyGinz-

i shopuld b happy cuz i just came back from mid valley

i got the pink polka dotted school bag i wanted from gap plus 3 quarter pants and a sweater.. but no.. im not at all happy T_T

sighy

-BabyGinz-

fucking pissed and angry right now

fucking hell

...

-BabyGinz-

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

honestly... its so friggin funny.. the fucking situation..

let's see im going on a cruise tonight with sam michelle and none other than ian..

everything was settled..

BUTt NooOOooO...

me and ian were getting along just fine in the afternoon until HIS WONDERFUL FRIENDS TOOK HIM OUT...and 1 in particular took him to a hill with lots of beers with two girls... he was suppose to be at my hse at 1Am.. but came at 5AM.. resulting in us fighting like nobody's business and me wanting to screw those 2 girls and that particular guy upside down...

so then b4 he arrives at my house he's throwing a hissy fit.. YES.. a hissy fit and being an asshole.. once in my house.. he collapses in the toilet.. coughing up BLOOD and starts to cry saying how useless he is and how sorry he is and that he wants me to leave him.. WHY.. because he has no money and he has no right to have me and that he now needs to borrow money from a LOAN SHARK....... YES.. i REPEAT.. A LOAN SHARK.. and that he doesnt want to pull me into it..

i pull him up.. he sits on the toilet bowl.. i ask him if he's on drugs again.. and he says he's not and that he hasnt taken drugs in a month.. and i laugh.. I LAUGH IN HIS FACE... and then he breaks down and says if i don't believe him he will cut himself.. which i continues laughing.. went out and took a blade and gave it to him.. he tried.. but him being him he was too afraid to really press it in.. it left no mark..

he just sat there looking at me with watery red eyes telling me nobody loved him and nobody cares for him and that he doesnt want to drag me into his mess.......... and i feel my anger boil up... i hate the people who dragged him into this mess.. i hate all of you who screwed up his life... what the fuck is wrong with you people...

i hold him and take him to my bed where he falls on it and starts crying again.. this time about his mother and me not loving him "=_= and he starts the whole repeated cycle again of asking me to leave him yet at the same time giving very obvious hints not to leave him.. i hugged him and he continued.. i got sick of listening to him.. so i turned away...

and he starts crying again.. calling my name over and over again until i face him and hug him to sleep....... and im lost........

im not sure how i feel.. im not sure how he feels... but all i know is... i hate the lot of you who made his life the way it is now....

he wakes up..looks around for me sees me on the other end of the bed and pulls me back to his side... holding me tight and falling asleep....a phone call from his sister... and i find out... today is his mother's birthday.. i can't believe i 4got... he got drunk on his mother's birthday......

off he goes to nilai.. when he comes back.. he's in one of his hissy fits again.. and i just had a wonderful fight with him... over his dumb friends and his stupidity of getting himself into shit with more money problems than he ever had and apparently how inconsiderate i was to expect his dad to drop HIM HERE AT MY HOUSE and send HIS OWN DAUGHTER HOME before running off to meet his friends for golf....

Someone please tell me how am i ever going to survive this

and for once. im actually glad i wont be in the country for 2 weeks.

-BabyGinz-

i wonder why you so enjoy making me fight with other people

i wonder why you make me hate people when in fact i like them a lot

i wonder why you hurt me the way you do

i wonder why you can tell me you love me and not mean it

i wonder why you can tell me you love me and yet mean it

i wonder how you can be 2 different people

i wonder what is it about me that you want that you would need to cheat me for it

i wonder why you won't let me have anyone else when you claim you don't want me

i wonder why...

(4.37am edit. I WANT TO FUCKING THROW THINGS AND SMASH STUFF UP.. FUCKING PISSED AND ANNOYED...FUCKING IRRITATED...

HOW THE FUCK IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO HATE SOMONE SO MUCH YET STILL LOVE THEM JUST AS MUCH?)

-BabyGinz-

Monday, November 27, 2006

OH MY GOOOSHHERSSS

i just saw Alia's er..wait.. i think she calls herself Alea now ;p lol... AND AND AND..

OH MY GOOSHERRSSS

I LOVE LOVE LOVE THE NEW NOKIA PHONES..

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG

HOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

CAMERA ALSO DONT HAVE

NOW WANT TO BUY NEW PHONE MEH

OMGGGGGGGGGGGG

SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

should i sabotage my own phone!! *o*

BUT NOoOOOoo.. i cant do that to my pretty pink nokia 6111!!!

it's so cute and pink and pretty..

BUT HOWWW...

i want the new lamour.. i like the swivel one!! ITS SO SO SO SO SO SO PRETTY!!

oh gosh.. someone help me

-BabyGinz-

well.. after MANY MANY MONTHS

ive finally finished reading where rainbows end.. YEAH LA>. MONTHS LA... hallo.. you have to admit the starting a bit draggy and irritating right.. and i had so many more interesting books to read about U_U... but i admit.. middle there start to catch my attention eidi.. hohohoh

but.. i can't help feeling depressed after reading it..

most of you already know my firm believes of how PLATONIC BEST FRIENDS BETWEEN GUY AND GIRLS just dont WORK OUT and that i BELIEVE THEY WILL ALWAYS FALL FOR EACH OTHER... and reading this book made me think of Ian and THAT PARTICULAR PERSON WHOM HE TRIED TO KISS ON MY GOOD FRIENDS BIRTHDAY WHOM I WAS NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO NOT BECAUSE OF MY GOOD FRIEND.. HE ASKED ME TO GO BUT WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BY IAN BECAUSE OF SAID PARTICULAR FEMALE.

and it made me wonder......

could i possibly have destroyed a soul mate thingie since they were after all talking about how perfect they were for each other and maybe they just havent realise it yet and crap like that..

AND YES PEOPLE.. i am very well aware that this was a YEAR ago but things haunt okay. and every little detail of hurt that he has put me through i remember very vividly and yes occasionally i do still cry at them..

and this particular image of him kissing her has not left me and to be honest never really went away because everytime i heard her name or i hear her voice or see anything of her.. OR EVEN when im alone.. this image appears and my head and i get all moody and irritated... but i can't help it.. i was so badly betrayed not only by my bf but by my EX GOOD FRIEND as well..... whom i once trusted so much...... like how much hurt can a person really take ..

i still remember the conversation we had and how the day went.. many of you already know this story but i don't know why i just really felt like blogging about it

well.. on this particular day.. it was the day before prom night.. and so i went to mid valley with my friends because me and ian were already having a fight and him not wanting to leave said girl.. i was in Dome when he suddenly calls and demands that i take a cab to his house because he's sorry and that he misses me and he really wants me there..

and so okay lor. since everyone else was like leaving anyway... i went there and there he was in his boxer on the couch waiting for me to give him a hug.. and so we just lay on the couch hugging each other until he said he had to go to the party which i wanted to go..and then we started to fight because he refused to let me go.. in the end i got pissed i called a cab and left

i went home to cry... but me being me.. i called him.. i heard her voice really close but he insisted she wasn't anywhere near him at that all he said to her was hello and nothing else...

i cried myself to sleep that night and was woken up around 1 am by a phone call.. it was Ian.. drunk yet not entirely..

"Gin.... I LOVE YOU *yes he quite literally shouted "=_=*"

"mmmmm.. er.. okay..."

"YOU SEE! im not drunk! and im calling you to tell you i love you! you should be proud of me!"

"why?"

"because not only am i not drunk and calling you BUT TODAY I SWEAR! i never talk to *** *** and i never even go near her!! I LOVE YOU A LOT GIN! MUACKS. you go and sleep ler.k? i love you my precious baby girl"

and i cried again.. this time in happiness...

the very next day it was prom.. this particular girl whom i had been fighting with becaue of ian suddenly acts all friendly with me.. and i thought nothing of it.. and so.. i said it was okay.. we danced together... in atmosphere...... HEH.....with another girl..

that day..dyuring the prom..ian asked if he could hug her saying that he hasnt talked to her in a long time but only if i let.. which i automatically said no anyway ;p...

Ian got really drunk that night .. he puked all over and i spent the entire night cleaning him up.. he finally fell asleep around 6am in the morning.. and i was worried he would wake up and puke again so i went through his computer chat logs...

and there it was.. the dreaded chat logs with her........

which i then found out about him not only dancing with her.. and apparently touching her which i later found out when we one day broke up and i asked him about it...*he claims not touching purposely but because they were dancing so close together that they kept touching* and also about the fact that they nearly kissed.......

and in this chat logs they talked not only about that..but also how much they understood each other and how much they needed each other and that only they could both really understand each other or some crap like that.. and that maybe he needed her more than he needed me... and all sort of things like that.. if you really want to know.. the chat logs can be found in my archieves but im not sure when its dated

i slapped him while he was asleep and i called her and fought on the phone with her.. which she just replied.. well HOW I KNOW HE REALLY LIKE ME..its until that day only i know lor! what you expect me to do? dont look for him is it!

"OH SORRY MRS LOW.. IM SORRY I SEDUCED YOUR BF IM SORRY YOUR BF LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU but since you insist so i wont look for him anymore. i wont talk to him i wont be his friend. if that is what you WISH than OK LAR. I WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT. after all. you are MRS LOW mar and you know what's best."

but the very next day they were together again.. and we broke up....... marking the longest and worst break ups we've ever had...... ever since then.. our relationship has always been on the rocky side.... physical abuse and all sorts of other things.. there were once in a while when we were really happy.. but they usually only lasted a while and things would start up again dued to her appearance..

and yea.. long time story but till this day it still has an effect on our relationship and also the fact this is 1 thing that i really absolutely cannot forget or let go.... at least not at this moment....

-BabyGinz-

Sunday, November 26, 2006

i was lying on the bed earlier on and i started thinking of

.....

.....

POLKA DOTS....

@_@

how random is that??!

and then i started to wonder.. why are they called polka dots??

what does polka even mean??

is there really such a word?

isn't it like some sort of folk dance

music or something like that @_@

like HEY! Let's do the polka?

@_@..... HMMMMMMMMMM

-BabyGinz-

i always wondered how it was possible for anyone to wake up crying

is it even possible to cry in your sleep as you dream?

because i just did.

-BabyGinz-

why am i crying??

why wont my tears stop??

what is this im feeling...

i really need someone to be here with me right now

someone to hold me tight

and tell me everythings going to be allright

-BabyGinz-

Saturday, November 25, 2006

FUCKEN PMS......................

-BabyGinz-

it's funny..

i guess we can't even be friends..

it always just ends up in tears...

i dont know whether to laugh at it

or to cry...

"another day... just breath"

-BabyGinz-

in case you're all wondering.. no.. im not dead

just been attached to the ps2 playing FINAL FANTASY 12. a bit dissapointed T_T cuz no love love story scene with nice music.. HAIH....

oh. and i realised. one should not sit braless in a bumpy car ride. @@ its darn uncomfortable

-BabyGinz-

Thursday, November 23, 2006

i feel really funny and weird right now..

not happy and un at ease at something but i cant figure it out

im irritable..

maybe it's pms..

but i cant seem to shake of all these unwanted images of the past from my head..

and it hurts...

-BabyGinz-

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

i feel so un at eased right now

i never realised that i would ever feel this way again.. i was quite sure i lost the ability to feel sad for my friends

but seeing someone close to me lose someone he loves and seeing him hurt and sad.. i feel sad.. and i feel worst because there really isn't anything i can do.. what she's thinking.. what she wants.. she tells me all in floating pieces that don't join making me unable to tell him how she really feels or wants...

usually im the weeping bimbo whos all negative and emo and hes the clown who cheers me up or entertains me by drinking hot chocolate with me but this time it's the other way round...

and really i wish nothing more but for them but to be together..... i really really wish for this.

-BabyGinz-

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Ginny is ANYTHING but HAPPY right now..

and is about to break down and cry.

-BabyGinz-

SHITS!!!

CHAN CHEE WENG!!!

I WISH U DIDNT TELL ME ABOUT THOSE DAMN CRACKS!!!

I WENT AND DOWNLOAD AND NOW MY WHOLE FIRRING COMPUTER IS INFECTED WITH MULTIPLE VIRUSES THAT ARE LIKE MAKING MY COMP LAG>> HAVE POP UPS AND BLOCKING MY SITES OR REDIRECTING ME...

AND ACCORDING TOT HE WINDOWS THING ITS ALSO HACKING INTO MY SYSTEM!! ARGHHH

>=(

-BabyGinz-

Monday, November 20, 2006

Ginny is agitated..annoyed..pissed off..irritated..frustrated..moody...enraged

and so0 much more...

-BabyGinz-

i seem to have made a rather depressing discovery T_T

................

i cant paint my nails..

@_@

I HAVE NO SKILL

I FAIL AS A FEMALE

*emo*

-BabyGinz-

Sunday, November 19, 2006

OMG


IM IN LOVE WITH A DRESS


FROM GUESS


OMG.

CHRISTMAS IS COMING


*HINT HINT HINT*


I DONT CARE IF 10 PPL SHARE


REALLY


I'D LOVE ALL OF YOU

-BabyGinz-

JENG JENG JENG....


i went to do my hair today


JENG JENG JENG...


i snipped off <----------------------------------->


and more...


guess how much


JENG JENG JENG...


let the pic do the talking...


hohohoohoh


but hor...


looks like last time i cut


"=_=

-BabyGinz-

Saturday, November 18, 2006

i really want to blog and express my feelings right now

but for some reason i just cant think of what to say

and yet i still want to blog... hahaha.. ah.. the ironies of life

i feel so stuck so confused...

like im not even sure what i want anymore..

who's really in my heart..

who's not..

who to trust..

who not to trust...

what do i really want..

i really wish i knew...

sigh...

-BabyGinz-

Friday, November 17, 2006

don't call me at 3-4 am in the morning in tears

don't call me to tell me you sorry and that you're on the way to my house to sit outside my door on your knees and beg for forgiveness

don't call me to tell me you need me

don't ask me not to go somewhere so i can be with you

don't ask me for anything..

because this time.

IT ENDS.

JUST. FUCK. THE. HELL. OUT. OF. MY. LIFE

and i swear.

i will not answer your calls

until im well and over you.

so don't come crying about how im cheating on you

or how i like someone else.

because u've done it all before.

whats better still.

you did it when you were officially with me.

hey.

we're not together right

^-^

-BabyGinz-

havent updated my blog in like ages... been really busy the past few days

leaving for kl pac soon...

BUT EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH HAPPY FEET ITS LIKE ONE OF THE BEST CARTOONS EVER

REALLY I MEAN IT!!!

-BabyGinz-

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

cruds @_@ of all things to be craving now..im craving for scones and tea @_@ in a cute quaint little cafe with flowery sofa's @_@

dammit..

(10.06pm edit .... cruds... "=_=.... i saw the LAST piece of scone in starbucks just now.. BUT ..someone had to RUSH OFF AGAIN >=( .. hence i could not have my scone and tea... SIGH)

-BabyGinz-

i realised haruki murakami has a weird fetish for EARS...HUMAN EATING CATS...and WELLS ... "=_= .. ive read 4 of his books and these 3 things have appeared in 3 of them and 2 in the other 1...

and i am now one again annoyed and enraged... i was sleepy since 11 but i started reading sputnik sweetheart and i couldnt stop and i finished it a few minutes ago.. my eyes are freaking tired.. but my mind is whirling..

once again.. the book had no proper ending.......... it's like there will be part 2 but like obviously there won't la.. so its like damn frustrating... LIKE HALLO.. u bring ppl to the climax of the story.. the top of the top.. you make them wonder whats going to happen next only to burst their bubble with more questions? ...................this is very very annoying and frustrating... bleargh.....

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

hearing your voice just now felt funny in a way.. like i havent seen you and heard from you in years.. i cant explain it but you felt so far away.. i was expecting you to call but for some reason it seemed so surprising at the same time...

hearing your voice so lifeless and sad... i wish i could have wrapped my arms around you and held you close as i carassed you and whisper words of comfort into your ears...

but i cant...

as much as i wanted to.. i know i can't.. pretending not to care hurts me more than you would possibly ever know......and as i put my phone down...i felt an uncomfortable sense of loneliness and sadness.......

and i wished i was there with you.

-BabyGinz-

Monday, November 13, 2006

im sad T_T...

he has a gf

T_T...

T_T...

T_T...

T_T...

-BabyGinz-

Sunday, November 12, 2006

fuck shit.

im crying like hell now.

and im not sure whether its abt the boy i cant have. or its ian, the 1 i gave up.

fuck it all.

-BabyGinz-

i dont know whether to laugh or to cry at what happened today...

whatever it is...

i thought of going after someone......

but depressingly.........

i think he might just be attached.....

.....and once again...

i dont know whether to laugh or to cry...

-BabyGinz-

Saturday, November 11, 2006

but on a brighter note.. i seem to have gotten quite a big crush on someone @_@

LIKE OMG I EVEN BLUSH IN FRONT OF HIM MAN.. LIKE OMG MAN.. how rare is that!!

and hor few nights ago i dreamt of him... *aihyerrrr*

die ler die ler..

i want him but i cant have him

SIGH....

-BabyGinz-

you know what.. hahaha..i cant help it but i must say this..

I TOLD YOU SO =3

so what has this job and this friend brought.. OMG LOTS AND LOTS OF CASH??!?! hahaha..yahhhh.. lots and lots of cash to everybody but no money to both of u.. LIKE OMG U CANT GET 30k? HAHAHAA>. omg.. wasnt this what i said at the beginning but u guys were so gawd damn cocky that it're your luckiest month and crap like that? tsk tsk tsk.. and still he is your god.. lol.. god of bad luck because like i said earlier he has brought nothing but bad things to you.. so some1 said no la.. got a few good thigns wan.. so i asked said person..ok la.. WHAT? hahaa.. he stoned and couldnt answer. =3

OH MY OH MY OH MY

at the beginning i had no intention of blogging about this.. BUT IM SO INFURIATED AND PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW...LIKE WTF IS WRONG WITH U..

pak pak know on sat ian goes out wid me.. what wanna go collect money? cock ah.. cant even collect the money OKAY.. so ian insist collect also around 6.. NOW WTF TIME ORH.. go n bloody go back to work or go home lar. go his hse and sit and watch tv? MEH LAN ORH? i want to fucking spend time with him also cannot. CAN U LIKE PUT YOURSELF IN MY PLACE WAN AH? OR HOR GET A GIRL LAR. OR A GUY IF U PREFER A GUY WHO ISNT FUCKING ATTACHED?

-BabyGinz-

Thursday, November 09, 2006

i dont remember if i ever blogged about this... abt a month ago or possible less... the 1st time i went into maisons and i spent the whole night crying there.. i know i posted about this.. but i just wasnt sure if i posted the after maths of that night.. so anyway.. me and ian fought again and as i said i cried the whole night

everybody got really drunk and crap so we left earlier.. chee keong was suppose to send me home but he wouldnt be leaving so early and eveyrone else was leaving so the very pissed off ian had no choice but to send me home whether he liked it or not

in the car we got into a fight AGAIN.. he slapped me in front of kai yee and left me in the middle of cheras hartamas at 4 am.. so i walked back in heels to my house.. i called someone and that someone fucked ian so ian had no choice but to come get me.. but har har "=_= i was like 5 minutes away from my house..i had already been walking for like 20 minutes

he got into a fight in the car and outside my house we fought again.. he started to tell me how he didnt love me and how he hated me.. and i saw right through him.. instead of yelling back at him again i sat there and looked at him and grabbed his hands.. without warning... he burst into tears... 1 minute telling me to get out of the car and leave him alone.. the next minute begging me to stay and go home with him.. i held him in my arms while he cried and repeated the whole push me away i hate you and the whole i love you and small kid merajuk phase...

i finally said i had to go and i couldnt go home with him because my mum knew i snuck out of the house so he started whispering like a child and said i didn't care and stuff like that.. in the end i gave him a kiss and promised him i would b there the very next morning before he opened his eyes i would be by his side

and as i promised the next day i went to his house...i opened his room door and he was sound alseep.. eveyrthing was dark.. and i saw something that made me cry right there and then...




*obviously this pic is after i on the lights la .. DOH* anyhow its written i *heart shape* you ginny on each paper and those at the bottoms are notes saying hes sorry and how much he loves me and special little love notes.... and it wasnt only on this full length mirror... it was all over his bed head and his computer table... and he did all this while he was really drunk tired and sleepy..

ok la..i know because he drunk so this maybe doesnt mean that much but it still meant a lot to me..because in 2 and a half years.. he has NEVER ever done anything so sweet in his life.. at least not for me.... so yea... this reaaally really meant a lot to me...

after that day... eveyrthing got better and better and we started to get closer and our love slowly but surely began to develope again.. not a lot but it was definitely there... unfortunately it all dissapeared on sat night/sunday morning at ju koons bday..

now everythings messed up again and honestly i don't know wtf im talking abt or wtf im doing.. but here's a crap conversation that i had not veyr long ago... in fact.. here's a few crap conversations i had with him not very long ago

"what you want to eat"

"i dont know. park at leisure mall only see ler"

"go and eat italian lar den"

"don't want. i ate that at 1u"

"....."

"....."

"go and eat italian lar"

"*annmoyed* you pay arh?"

"what? you paying what *even more annoyed*"

"i didnt bring out much money"

"how much you have?"

"30"

"*raised voice* MAHAI.. WTF IS WRONG WITH U HAH.. WANT TO COME OUT AND EAT THEN DONT BRING MONEY.. STUPID AH?"

the irnoy of this situation is... he came out with no money..maybe he did but he told me he had 0 ringgit.. so heh..

"call the bill lar!"

"wait lar.. why you so rushing."

"..."

"CALL THE BILL LAR"

"CAN YOU WAIT?? IM STILL EATING OKAY"

"dont eat already lar. u very fat already lar"

"i want to eat until i vomit"

"*raised voice* OH IS IT! THEN AH FINISH MY RICE ALSO LAR.. WHY EAT SO SLOW? WANT TO VOMIT EAT FASTER LAR *shoves rice at me*"

"*burps*"

"what? want to vomit already ah *sarcastic*"

"yeah"

"GOOD! VOMIT OUTSIDE WOR! DONT VOMIT IN THE CAR I TELL YOU"

i know.. this is a pretty pointless post...

-BabyGinz-

I AM EVEN MORE FUCKING PISSED OFF NOW THAN I WAS AGO. FUCKING CHOW HAI

-BabyGinz-

Ginny is now extremely pissed off and annoyed.

And hate is increasing in mass as well towards a certain someone.

You KNOW who you are boy. =)

So we pretend to be civil in front of each other for Ian's sake and for a while there.. i was actually starting to like you again.. SERIOUSLY i was.

If you have no idea why i didn't like you in the 1st place.. it was related to all your attempted outings of ian n lp together and also always lying about stuff for him and all the other crap that you did that once jeapordized our relationship. Ian knew it well too..remember this conversation?? *may nto be in exact words but abt the same meaning*

"Actually leh, you very stupid lor to let Ginny go. I actually got a bit respect her because she don't give up and try so hard"

"Mahai. It's your fault lor!"

or some crap like that. can't remember. quite a while ago but i know ian definitely put the blame on you.

After that. Last month me and Ian started to get along and then dunno how started seeing you more also. Slowly but surely the hate satrted to go away and i started to think that you weren't that bad after all AND i though maybe i would get along just fine with you.

UNFORTUNATELY, things got a turn for the worst. JUST PUT YOURSELF IN MY SHOES. IMAGINE you had a gf and she had a friend LIKE YOU who constantly stuck around all the time. I MEAN ALL THE TIME that when you went out with her you even had to force her to make up lies just so you would get the hint and not INSIST on coming along.

And the worst part is, slowly but surely she started sticking to her friend more and stopped giving a damn about you which eventually caused both of you to fight again and again destroying that perfect little cycle.

We even have to cancle our Tioman trip now =) and all the promises of spending time with me. ALL ALSO THE TIME SPENT WITH YOU EIDI. AND EVEYRTIME ALSO anything happened LIKE NOW CANNOT COLLECT MONEY... AND MONEY DONT TRANSFER..... fat pei hei. who kena. ME LOR. WHY. BECAUSE YOU LOR. bring him into this in the 1st place.

You should be happy wad now. After like 5-6 months, Last 3 weeks ago Ian asked me to be his gf AGAIN.. and i didn't answer him. UNTIL the 27th of October. i finally gave in and said yes. But thx to your extreme stickyness to him now and the fact he's always so pissy because of his damn bets and money crap we broke up again =# HOORAY FOR YOU AND US ei? ^-^

-BabyGinz-

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

i am veyr upset T_T i finally finalllyy finished reading the wind up bird... and i am as confused as ever. who are all these random characters. why are they there. why is this so. why cant i understand this story!! why?!?!! WHYY?!?!

i wanted to sleep but i couldnt because all this questions started popping up in my head and i got more n more agitated and my brain just wouldnt stop thinking!!! >=(

so i went online and searched to no avail.. except..

CURSE YOU DAMN PUBLISHERS!!!

the damn reason there was so many loop holes was because...

the friggin publishers made a limit to the pages or some crap like that..

under some rubbish rule...

AND HENCE...

the translater had to CUT OFF A FEW BLOODY CHAPTERS...

LIKE WTH.. FEW CHAPTERS MAN....

YOU THINK WAD HAH...

NOW LEAVE POOR PEOPLE LIKE ME CLUELESS...

WANT ME TO GO LEARN JAPANESE AND READ THE ORIGINAL BOOK IS IT??

HAH HAH HAH?!?

I AM SO INFURIATED RIGHT NOW.. AND MY BRAIN STILL WONT STOP THINKING ABOUT ALL THOSE DAMN LOOP HOLES!!!

>=( WILL SOMEONE PLEASE FILL ME IN .. K THX BYE

-BabyGinz-

today my bro decides to be a prat "=_=

i wonder why cant this people realise that constantly telling me what to do wont make me do that...

very bad meh my results now.. so i failed a subject and i got 3 B's and a C... but not bad wad for someone who picked up the book few hours before the exam T_T... sigh...

in quite an annoyed and pissy mood now...

pfft...

-BabyGinz-

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

im emo-ing.. seriously.. and my 500th post in this blog is this "=_= because i got tagged by wonderful "=_=

Do you have any friends of the opposite sex :
Yeah. More than that of the same sex "=_=

Are you in a relationship :
Seriously? Im not very sure

Who was the last person you dated :
Ian

What is the best quality :
Of WHat? @_@

Have you ever been cheated on :
Almost. Countless times.

Have you ever cheated on someone :
I wish i had. Because my loyalty hurts.

When was your first serious relationship :
When i was 13.

Who with :
Woon Huey

Have you ever had friends with benefits :
Sure i do ;p

What makes the opposite sex attractive :
His smile.

Do you have a crush :
Not that im aware of

Do you dream about your crush :
Got also i wont realise

Is there someone you want to kiss :
Yeah. Like right now in fact T_T

Have you ever kept a crush super secret :
Sadly, no u_u

Have you ever done something you regret :
Many a times

Have you ever hurt someone :
Unfortunately yes

Has someone ever hurt you:
Countless times.

Do you care about money :
Depends

Were you ever with someone completely opposite of you :
completely i guess not. but ian is quite the opposite.

Do you miss someone :
Very much

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex :
His smile

Have you ever had a crush on someone that was in a relationship :
Yeah T_T

Have you ever kissed a stranger :
Nope

What would be your perfect date :
Just the both of us. Holding hands under the stars and just cuddling.

Do you prefer holding hands or making out :
Depends really.

What's the best physical attribute :
SMILE LOR

Lost someone :
In what sense?

How do you feel about long distance relationships :
No confidence in it.

Do you want them to be smart :
I dont mind. Too smart also not good u_u later cheat on me. tsk tsk tsk.

Last one of the opposite sex you talked to :
Soon Yuen

How many people have you dated since January :
1

Do you care if they share your religion :
No "=_= im like multi religion ;p hahahaha

Have you ever said I love you and meant it :
Always =)

Do you believe in love at first sight :
Yeah

Do you think internet relationships can really work :
Er. internet relationship like how leh

When was the last time you slow danced :
...Friday... T_T

Does anyone have a crush on you :
Im not sure

Do you want to get married? :
Yeah =)

Have you ever stalked someone :
Depends how you would consider stalking u_u

Has someone ever stalked you :
YAH LIKE that day hor! i receive a pic of myself like taken behind some trees in a while envelope. LIKE SO WTF HOR

Have you ever done the love calculator :
Yah

Would you ever kiss someone in front of your parents :
Yeah

Have you ever skinny dipped with the opposite sex :
No where to skinny dip orh T_T

Have you ever slept in the same bed as the opposite sex :
Yupz

Do you bite when you kiss :
Sometimes

Would you date someone from another state :
Not really

Would you be with someone with glasses :
Sure

Have you kissed someone in a restaurant :
Yupz

Do you care if they drink :
If he knows when to stop den nope

Do you care if they smoke :
YES VERY MUCH

Have you ever been called a tease :
Yeah

Have you ever cried over someone who you were just "talking" with :
Quotes WOnderful "Er. What's with the inverted commas? "

Have you ever liked someone from a different country :
Yes @_@

Would you play with their hair :
Whos hair?

Would you do anything for the person you like :
Depends what it is

Do you miss a past relationship :
Very much

What's really important to have in a relationship :
Genuine Love and US

Do you like getting massages :
Not really

Do you like to cuddle :
Very much

-BabyGinz-

a lot of things have been annoying the heck out of me lately.

most of the time im either annoyed moody or highly irritated.

and my maid annoys the shit out of me as well.

i wonder what's with my random mood swings.

in addition to my extremely crap mood, i have this urge to cry my eyes out. over what? im not even bloody sure.

a lot of things have been happening over the past week and everything just seems to come together all in 1 shot. honestly speaking, i really dont think i can handle it all.

over the past month or so, my hate list has also slowly but surely increased in size mainly consisting of ian's friends. lately.. ive been pushing myself furthur into the corner of the room avoiding human contact as much as i possibly can. i just don't feel like dealing with people right now. it stresses me out even more.

it's funny how the 1 person i do want to be with is no longer mine AGAIN. this time because of his so called friend who will be there for him for life which is funny really because he wont even be in malaysia next year.

WHICH IS FUNNIER STILL.. that he only started sticking so closely to ian after he fought with another guy OVER A GIRL he couldn't get.. which clearly would not have happened if they didn't bloody get annoyed with him for looking for me "=_= .. like so wth right.

and this influence of said friend has made ian become more of the ian he doesnt want to be. in my 2 and a half years with ian. ive never seen him get annoyed at his grandmother before. he had always put his family no 1 no matter what and he cared a great deal for his grandparents. but lately, he doesnt even want to eat with his dad. he doesnt even want to go see his grandparents. he doesn't even give a shit abt things that are happening in his family.

even using the money of his grandmother. i don't know. me a person who never really mixed well with my family feels pretty disgusted at this fact. said friend even made him lose like 1k of his grandmother's money =)

but ian still treats him like a god anyways. why. because hes just so naive and easily tricked. it's funny really.

i guess that's life for you.

-BabyGinz-

Monday, November 06, 2006

i thought you would have learnt your lesson by now...

i thought you would finally see and at least try to change..

you were losing money.. you were crying to me and promising me that you would stop after you won back what you lost and start doing better things...

but look where you are again..

just because you won. you think you're on top of the world

and instead of quitting.

you get other people in shit.

what goes around. comes around.

-BabyGinz-

Sunday, November 05, 2006

well.. last night was DISASTEROUS

i cried in MAISONS.. AGAIN.. it was loft.. but a bunch of ppl couldnt get in so we had to go to maisons instead.. and seriously.. i think maison's has something against me or something.. BAD KARMA.. i mean.. so many clubs only this club i end up crying every time i go.. like wth? damn retarded right.. soon the bouncers will know me as the girl who comes to clubs to cry

after that.. lots of retarded things happened.. FIGHTS.. AGAIN.. like wth.. why is it always ians friends who always end up in fights.. DMAN LUCKY NOTHING HAPPEN MAN.. mahai... if that wasnt bad enough.. everybody was too drunk to drive... wtf.. AND THEN.. some1 got so fucking drunk he fainted in the car .. ON MY HANDS... and all of a sudden PUKED ALL OVER MY HANDS.. and proceeded to faint.. AGAIN... LIKE WTF.. and all his friends didn't want to clean him up so i got that job T_T sighh..

lots more crap happened.. but its better if i just left them out... bleargh.. but.. it was a retarded night.. seriously retarded.. ive never had such a retarded night in my life @_@ blinks

-BabyGinz-

Friday, November 03, 2006

oh my gosh! i found the cutest online game *0*

http://www.kingdomofloathing.com/

-BabyGinz-

like wth..im really pissed off and annoyed right now...

like wth... just because you're in a bad mood doesn't mean you have a right to take it out on ure students.. LIKE SUPER WTH??

mother chow hai... MALAS TO TALK ABT IT LAR...

but i knew i never really did like him in the beginning anyway....

PFFT...

-BabyGinz-